The season may not be as arctic as some in recent memory, but El Nino or not, it’s still a hell of a lot colder than any of us Brits are used to experiencing.
Winter, which we’re used to being only ten degrees chillier than our “British summer time” (read: temperatures of above 15°C and nearly as much rain as normal), has suddenly become quite the ordeal.
Coats must have down, shoes must have grip, and you must become a meteorologist in order to navigate the difference between actual temperatures and the dreaded “wind chill factor.”
So bundle up kids, because it’s only just beginning.
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You cannot cancel plans “because…snow.”
Once upon in England, even the briefest of flurries caused such pandemonium that the idea of making post-work excursions would be laughable. But here, dinner dates cannot be cancelled purely on the basis that it’s snowing. You’ll need a better excuse than that to get out of dinner with Barbara, your annoying former colleague.
Roads and transport are functional.
Now, I’m not suggesting that things proceed as smoothly as ever, but when the first cars on the road are progressing on their journey without spinning in circles or freewheeling off course, we’ll call that a win for Toronto.
Snow days are non-existent.
Unless you’re at school, or you work at a school, you’re probably not going to get a day in your pyjamas. And since transport will likely be up and running (see above), you can’t tell your boss you’re stranded in your condo.
People continue to CYCLE … for the love of god.
Not only do people generally get on with things during this arctic period, they go about their daily business regardless of cold temperatures. Think it might be time to put the bike away until spring? Think again.
Nobody wants a snowball fight.
The fun of a fresh snowfall is not lost on the Brit just yet. So while seasoned Canadians walk through a winter wonderland without taking a second glance, we’re constantly sort of hoping for a snowball-fight-flash-mob scenario on our daily commute.
It’s dry as hell.
On the plus side, we’ve escaped the rising damp of the UK. Once we’re out of the cold we can actually warm up pretty quickly instead of feeling chilled to our very bones all day long. The downside? There’s not enough Chapstick in the world that can save our lips.
People say depressing things like, “Negative ten degrees today? Yeah, it’s been a mild winter.”
Equally disheartening are perpetual reminders that we haven’t seen the worst of winter yet. Especially when we already can’t feel our feet through three pairs of socks or our hands beneath ur fleece-lined mittens.
There are more wardrobe changes than the Victoria Secret fashion show.
You need to budget an extra ten minutes when getting ready to leave the house, and you have a mental checklist that you go through. Mittens? Check? Thermal underwear? Ready! This then has to be done in reverse upon reaching your destination (with a possible strip down in the washroom to avoid overheating).
It’s physically hard to move.
If, like me, you only have skinny jeans (thanks to their unceasing popularity for the last decade) then layering underneath will be a challenge – but should not be overlooked. Make sure you do things in the right order or you’ll find yourself swaddled as tightly as a newborn baby…and one that can’t tie your own shoes.
Photo: Darren Calabrese/CP
Snow “squalls” and “ice pellets” exist.
Since snow has really upped its game a couple of notches in Toronto, so too has the terminology used for such conditions. We’re not suggesting that they sugar the pill, but inventing expressions that sound like the weather is actively trying to kill us seems a little uncalled for.
It’s light for longer.
We gain at least a couple of hours of daylight here in Toronto, which is a pleasant change to the depressing feeling that you go to work in the dark, come home in the dark, and generally miss out on all potential sunshine while you’re at your desk.
There’s no “saving it for a colder day.”
Minus 14 or minus 40 – it’s all pretty much the same at this point. Instead of holding something back in reserve, the aim of the game is to keep warm and stay warm. There’s no such thing as being too snug.
Weather checking has become an obsession.
Alarm goes off, Google weather goes on as you check to see just how much colder it is beyond the cozy confines of your bed covers.
Forget the temperature – “feels like” is all you need to pay attention to.
It don’t mean a thing if you ain’t got that wind chill/feels like temperature factored into your outfit. A balmy negative four degrees is totally irrelevant if it ‘feels like’ negative 22.
Backwards-walking people are a thing.
Sometimes when it’s cold and the wind is super strong, people quite literally throw caution to the wind and face the wrong way when walking down particularly tundra-like streets. They have not lost their senses and you should probably stop laughing and do the same.
Photo: John Moore/Getty Images
People spend more money on coats than rent.
Sure, it’s an investment. But having to remortgage your home to pay for a coat sucks. We know, we know – it has a lifetime warranty and if you treat it well you won’t need to buy another for a decade, but…
It’s financially crippling equipping yourself for winter in ‘Year One’.
Normally people spread out their winter wardrobe purchases – if you bought a new coat last year, you can wait until next year to replace your boots. But when you arrive with nothing suitable, freezing your butt off and have to buy EVERYTHING in your first year, there’s no time for payment plans.
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