This ad for a home couldn’t be more Vancouver if it wore yoga pants to brunch, said ‘hey’ instead of ‘eh’, and rained the whole time.
Well, except that it’s on Vancouver Island, which is a different place altogether but you get the point.
Anyway, this sale reflects all aspects of a wildly unaffordable housing market: $15 million price tag, gated community, gaudy presentation, and a big middle finger to public waterfront access.
It’s also proof that slapping an Australian accent on something that’s distinctly Canadian makes no sense at all.
Seriously, the voice and video of this production are a match made in Port Alberni:
That said, it is a pretty badass listing.
The home sits on its own peninsula at Oak Bay, has enough garage space for seven vehicles and private parking for a boat, and is completely self-sustaining – albeit at the expense of running 17 heat pumps. It also comes with a library, German-engineered appliances, indoor swimming pool, home theatre, and a damn elevator in case the staircase of cash leading upstairs has to be used as fuel for the fireplace.
The interior can be best described as ‘colour blind’ and ‘clash of civilizations’, a style popularized by current circus clown and talking potato head Donald Trump.
The aforementioned ad for the property, meanwhile, exudes the aura of a desperate salesman fully aware that the property he’s selling is at risk to be below sea level within 25 years.
Some things are better left to sell themselves.
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