Internet (Appropriately) Mocks CDC For Telling Women Not on Birth Control to Stop Drinking

Oh dear, ladies. We’ve done it again. We’re causing ourselves all sorts of problems just by being the irresistible, fun-loving and booze-swilling creatures that we are.

The Centre for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has passed down to us some pearls of wisdom that threaten to put a serious damper on your weekend plans.

After suggesting that pregnant women should avoid alcohol completely to be on the safe side, the health agency went one step further, extending some of that advice to sexually active females. It suggested that they should stop drinking if they aren’t using contraception, just in case they got pregnant. Accidentally.

The CDC seemed concerned about the health of a baby that doesn’t actually exist yet, asking, “Why take the risk?”

And it gets worse. Not only can binge-drinking give us the mother of all hangovers, cause heart disease and cancer, but on top of that, it can apparently lead to some other nasty side effects that we were unaware were so intrinsically linked to our alcohol consumption.

According to a handy infographic by the CDC, women who drink too much are at risk from injuries, violence, sexually transmitted diseases and unintended pregnancy.

*spits out vodka martini* Say whaaaaat now?

Injuries, I’ll give you. Drinking has been known to make humans lose the battle with gravity, especially if you’re doing it all in high heels. But citing violence is playing the blame game a little too much. Is the threat of becoming the victims of assault really a risk that females should have to minimise?

You’re going out in that? Well don’t worry about changing into something more modest to go drinking in ladies. Just don’t bother going out at all.

Plus the last time we checked it was everybody’s responsibility to take precautions against STIs, drunk or otherwise. Should men also stop drinking in case they can’t operate a condom when they’re seven beers deep?

Nah, as you were fellas – women can be the designated drivers of safe-sex. Another Heineken?

The CDC, apparently unconvinced, suggests that as it’s our business alone and since clearly none of us females can be trusted with our baby-making apparatus after a few daiquiris, those not taking birth control should steer clear of drinking altogether.

Unsurprisingly, hell hath no fury like a woman being told to put down a bottle of wine.

Women on Twitter reacted in a myriad of ways to this far-fetched warning, from outrage at the claims to downright hilarious mockeries of the advice.

Twitter user Super Sous made a parody of the infographic used by the CDC, modifying the risks of women drinking too much to online shopping and engaging in political discussions on Facebook.

Another, Katie Jean, created a birth control and booze pairing chart, for women to refer to this weekend.

Perhaps the CDC only meant to warn women trying to get pregnant of the dangers inherent in drinking. Too bad their publicists were drunk when they wrote this press release.

So cheers, ladies. Because when it comes to telling women how to treat their bodies, a zero tolerance on alcohol certainly isn’t the way to go.