It’s over. It finally happened. You knew it was only a matter of time, but now the inevitable is an occurrence.
Your best friend has finally got engaged.
She had the good grace to tell you to your face instead of parading it all over Facebook for the world to see, and naturally you’re delighted for her.
Here are the 17 first (honest) thought you have when your best girlfriend tells you she’s going to be married soon.
1. F**k. What the actual eff.
2. I’m so happy for you. Just so incredibly thrilled to pieces for the pair of you. Especially for him. You probably could have done a little better. But he is really punching above his weight. So that’s great for him. And you. Just GREAT. Great, great, great.
3. I KNEW it. I called it months ago. Plus, a long weekend in New York this close to her birthday? Alarm bells! I just knew there was something going on. The whole thing was very suspicious.
4. I’m never getting married. I’m going to die alone. Oh, Jesus. I’m going die alone, on my own with cats. I don’t even like cats.
5. No, wait. I am actually really happy for you. For them, really.
6. Although technically we’ve been going out longer than they have. I mean, officially they’ve been going out for two months longer, but there was that period where they were on a break, and no one really knows what happened with the pool boy in Cuba. So really, if you think about it, they haven’t been dating for quite so long.
7. Oh god. Her boyfriend fiancé is such a douchebag.
8. The way he proposed wasn’t how I would have wanted it. It was a bit much, a little over the top. And if we’re being honest, a little cliché. I mean, who hasn’t got engaged in Central Park?
9. Me. I haven’t got engaged anywhere. Nor will I. EVER. Should I get a cat? Just in case? Just a small one.
10. I wonder if she’ll keep her surname. Surely she will. She wouldn’t take his, would she? It really doesn’t suit her. It would sound awful, just AWFUL.
11. She’s going to be such a beautiful bride. She’s always been so photogenic. And skinny. And tall.
12.. I’m going to be a hideous bridesmaid next to her. Oh, god. Her favourite colour is pink. PINK. She’s going to make me wear pink, isn’t she?
13. I literally couldn’t be happier for her. 100 per cent happy. Maybe 90/10. Happy and a little sad. It’s kind of the end of an era. I knew it was coming, I just thought we’d have a few more months together.
14. I’m obviously going to be her maid of honour. That is in the bag. Although surely she would have asked me by now if she was going to. What about that cow from her work that she’s always going on about?
15. No, I’m pretty confident that she’ll pick me. We’ve been friends since we were 11. Besides, she knows I’ll throw the best bachelorette party. There’ll be no penis-straws, bride-to-be sashes or flashing headbands. This’ll be a classy affair. Think Champagne, cocktails… and a stripper. Most likely a stripper.
16. Overall I’m delighted for her. And just because she’s getting married doesn’t mean that anything has to change. It’s not like she’s having kids.
17. OMG. They’re going to have kids.