Affectionately referred to as “ghosting” or the “Irish goodbye,” leaving a social gathering undetected and without saying bye to your friends can make a lot of sense.
You may not want to deal with your drunken friends pressuring you to stay out even later. You may not want to interrupt a conversation. You may have someone you’d like to go meet without having to answer anyone’s questions about it (thank you very much).
And sometimes, you might not need a reason at all.
All of this is fine with us. Just make sure you do it properly if you don’t want to piss other people off, though…
1. Don’t Commit to an After-Party Beforehand
Don’t give your friend a false sense of hope that you’re as eager and willing to after party at their place as they are. He or she will not be happy when they’ve cleaned their place, bought the booze, and invited the guests – when you were supposed to be their wingperson for the whole production. It’s all about managing expectations.
2. If You’re at a House Party, Let the Host Know Ahead of Time
If somebody is hosting you at their place, it’s plain rude to leave without finding the host and thanking him or her for their hospitality. If you have a feeling you may have little choice, let the host know ahead of time (right after you present them with a notable gift for hosting).
3. Make Sure You Don’t Have Anyone’s Coat Check Ticket
The key to a well-executed “Irish goodbye” is to do so without screwing anyone else over. If you want to do the exact opposite, see what happens if you silently bail with your friend’s coat check ticket in your wallet, only for them to realize it’s missing once you’re already fast asleep.
4. Send a Text When You’re in the Cab
A considerate “Irish goodbye” always involves a follow-up – either from the cab on the way home, or first thing the next morning. It can be kept short and sweet, simply stating that you had a great time, but it was time to leave, and that you should do it again soon. Simple, yet considerate.
5. Don’t Leave a Friend Alone
If you leave one or two of your friends alone at a party or bar without setting that stage ahead of time, that’s not ghosting – that’s good, old-fashioned ditching. The whole point of the “Irish goodbye” is that there are enough people at the social gathering to occupy your friends to the point that they don’t even notice you’ve slipped off into the night.
6. Don’t Leave Until You’ve Bought Your Round of Drinks
Right up there with the leaving-with-your-friend’s-coat-check-ticket is ducking out of the bar before your turn has come to buy a round of drinks, especially when you haven’t paid for your last three drinks and it’s your turn next. That’s not an “Irish goodbye” – it’s a cheap F*ck You.
7. Don’t Even think About it When Entertaining Clients
If you want your clients to remain your clients, never turn to the “Irish goodbye” when you’re out entertaining them. As the host, you’re required to stay until even the most boisterous is finally ready to call it a night. You don’t get to leave. Period.
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