Life is so easy when you’re five years old. Your best friend is probably the dude sitting next to you in kindergarten eating Play-Doh.
But do you really still want to be friends with him now that you’re 30 years old and he thinks that Trump is just a bit misunderstood?
And what about the one who has two kids under the age of six already while you spend most weekends in a cyclical state of drunkenness or hungover?
Our friendships can be confusing and challenging by the time we reach adulthood, prompting WaitButWhy to put together a hilarious list of the 10 types of friends you’re probably among.
Still confused? Don’t forget to check out more graphs and friendship diagrams.
All images courtesy of the hilarious WaitButWhy.
The Non-Question-Asking Friend
Maybe he’s self-obsessed, or scared of intimacy. Or perhaps, heaven forfend, it’s you who’s the narcissist and they just can’t risk asking any questions that might lead to you talking about yourself again. “You’ll fall in love. You’ll catch your new love cheating on you and murder them both in an act of incredible passion. And it doesn’t matter, because none of it will be discussed with The Non-Question-Asking Friend.”
The Friend in the Group You Can’t Be Alone With Under Any Circumstances
This is the pair in the group of friends that just doesn’t have an individual friendship with one another. It’s not that they don’t like each other – it’s just that being the first to arrive at the restaurant together or hanging out in a trio when the third party needs the toilet can be very awkward.
The Non-Character-Breaking Friend You Have to be “On” With
Terrified of any earnest interaction, this friend engages you in some kind of skit when the pair of you are together. You are both “on” constantly, and must be in a joke-telling or sarcastic mode in order not to horrify your pal. Thoroughly exhausting.
The Double-Obligated Friendship
A lacklustre meeting that’s thoroughly difficult to pin down because neither of you remotely want to see each other. One or both of you are delusional about this friendship because in reality neither of you are excited about hanging out.
The Half Marriage
Maybe you’re the one who knows that this is not going anywhere romantically. Or, worse still, you’re the one hopelessly in love with your friend even though it’s fairly obvious this will NEVER happen. Whichever side of the coin you’re on, get the hell out and save yourself, you fool.
The Historical Friend
You went to school together, you’ve been hanging out since you were four, yada, yada, yada. The bottom line, though: you would absolutely not be friends with each other if you met today. Which is annoying, because you’re inextricably linked. D’oh.
The Non-Parallel Life Paths Friendship
These are the friends who have a totally different existence to you despite being around the same age. Some may have children now while others have cocaine or gambling addictions. “At some point, things will start to meld together again, but being 30-ish is the friendship equivalent of a kid going through an awkward pubescent stage.”
Beware this toxic chum. “A Frenemy knows how to hurt you better than anyone because you’re deeply similar in some way and she knows how you’re wired, and she’ll do whatever she can to bring you down any chance she gets, often in such a subtle way it’s hard to see that it’s happening.”
The Facebook Celebrity Friend
More of an “acquaintance” than a friend, amiright, Creepy McCreeperson? You are far too well acquainted with their Facebook page and they probably have no idea that you know ALL about their holiday to Cancun last month. But, swings and roundabouts. Someone out there is watching you just as closely…
The Lopsided Friendship
There are different ways your friendship can be eschewed – one wants to spend more time with a friend than the other, one does 90 per cent of the talking in the friendship, etc. While a 50/50 friendship is rare, anything beyond than 65/35 should be considered lopsided and swiftly terminated.