Being single is the best thing ever. Except when it’s actually the worst thing ever.
‘Cause it never really hits home that you’re lonely until big events come up (warning: the Holidays are fast approaching).
So if you’re single – and you don’t want to be – below are 9 reasons that might still be the case.
[ad_bb1]
Being Too Picky Vs. Settling
No, you shouldn’t have to ‘settle’. Settling means you’re unhappy with a partner because you didn’t truly choose them, instead you picked them because of other factors like, you know, fear of being single forever.
However, being picky is an entirely different story. You do need someone you find attractive and smart , and most importantly someone who shares your core values. The rest of the items are wants not needs – and they’re what lead to being too picky.
If all you can focus on is how tall they are, or if they weigh 15 more pounds than you’d like, or the college they went to wasn’t your favourite, you might find yourself single for a very long time.
Self-Esteem Wreck
This one is hard to spot but can be the real reason why you’re staying single. You say you’re ready to get out there and date, but let’s be honest, if the right person came along right now would you be ready? A lot of times we have our own hang-ups and fears about relationships. Maybe we feel unlovable or had our trust broken in a major way. The only way to tell if this is affecting you is to go out on dates.
Workaholic Syndrome
“I’m just working so much right now I don’t have time to date.” Does this sound all too familiar? In the past have you made time to attend events like a best friend’s wedding or a family thanksgiving dinner? Those are important events that you made time for, and dating should be held at the same level. So if you’re not dating and using the excuse of working too much then you’re doing just that, making an excuse.
No New Joiners
After high school and university it can be hard and downright scary to make new friends. We usually find a crew we get along with or have known forever and that’s that. The good thing is now that you’re old enough to know not to take candy from strangers, you can talk to them without being afraid. You likely do it on Tinder all the time so why not do it in real life. Strike out on your own and attend events in the city that you find interesting and challenge yourself to speak with two strangers. Remember, the person you’re talking to might not be your future love interest but that doesn’t mean they don’t have someone in their network that you could be compatible with.
Accepting You’re Single
Rejection can take its toll, and sometimes it can be all too easy to throw your hands up declaring you’re going to be single forever. But if you sincerely want someone in your life you need to accept it and start making plans to get there. First off, start with analyzing your dating past, what worked and what didn’t? Get friends and family to help here because they can sometimes see things you can’t, like the bigger picture. Then make a list of what you’re looking for in someone, again have friends and family along for the ride so they can help keep you in line with picking a potential partner, not being too picky. After you have these items in hand, start to date with purpose – knowing that any day now your person can come along.
The Choice Generation
Too many options, too little time = you single. Choices are not always a good thing. Remember the time you were at that restaurant with the long menu and you had no idea what to order? Then you second guessed yourself and had the fajitas when a burger was what you were really wanting. Sometimes we can get overwhelmed with options not sure what is the right choice for us. This is where your list is handy so you don’t get overwhelmed and are able to objectively evaluate the person you sat across from during dinner. Take the time needed to really see a person for who they are and then decide if they are someone you’d like in your life.
On To The Next
Similar to “The Choice Generation” we also have “Next” syndrome. You had a first date with a really nice person who was easy to talk to and who even laughed at all your jokes. But there was no chemistry so you said goodbye. The problem here is chemistry is instant, but relationships are not. And if you think back to your relationships how many of them started with crazy chemistry and end with a big bang? Chances are more then a few, so instead of chemistry look for compassion, caring, and the ability to compromise. If you’re not sure, go on a second or even third date. Sometimes it can take time to decide if someone can be a good longer term fit for you.
Same Patterns
You choose the same people over and over and repeat patterns no matter how badly they’ve turned out in the past. Are you always dating unavailable men or selfish women? Again, how has that worked out for you in the past? Instead why not throw the type out the window and go for something different – see how that works. One thing to remember is dating is about the journey, and if you don’t date enough people and give yourself the time to go on that journey, you might not find the person that compliments you best in life.
You Care About What Others Think
Admit it, we all want to have a person others are envious of. But beauty, just like envy, can be in the eye of the beholder, and if your person is funny, smart, supportive, and gives you the warm fuzzies it shouldn’t matter if your friend would have dated them or not. The fact is they like you and you like them, and you’ll be the ones to make a beautiful relationship work – something a lot of your single friends want for themselves.
[ad_bb2]