A broken heart sucks.
I mean literally, a broken heart means you’re probably dead but figuratively, being heartbroken can be earth shattering as well. Dealing with your own break up is one thing, dealing with your soul sister of a BFF’s is another.
It’s hard to decipher your own feelings when you’re going through a tough time so trying to pick apart the status of your best friend can get tricky. It’s hard when all the usual pick-me-ups like watching Gilmore Girls, online shopping binges or wine nights aren’t bringing your friend happiness. Essentially, it becomes a cycle of unrequited joy giving.
But there’s a reason your best friend is your best friend in the first place – they’re f*cking awesome.
So when they get dumped, cheated on or hurt, you really just can’t believe it. How could someone not see your friend for all they have to offer? It’s difficult to accept the rejection your friend is going through. Sometimes, I wish my BFF and I were lesbians because life would be a lot easier.
Still, even though it can be difficult to know what your friend needs, you try anyway.
In the face of pain, reflection, and mourning, you try to cheer up your friend in a surefire way – with alcohol. Yes, time to hit up some club on King West. This may sound fun but as the post-breakup wingwoman, you have some responsibilities during this crucial time – and you’ve got to adhere to them while you’re most likely drunk. Taking your friend out for a fun night means you have to make sure they don’t make any tomorrow mistakes. ‘Tomorrow mistakes’ are ones that haunt you the next day i.e hooking up with your ex’s brother at the club. So instead, help keep her aligned to some tonight mistakes; the ones she won’t remember or care about beyond 3am.
In a stupor, as the alcohol begins to wear off, you may have to deal with some rhetorical and hopeless questions that demand answers. Things like “why did this happen?!” and “was it my fault?” “do you think he’s on Tinder already?”. Here’s where honesty is not the best policy. Again, we’re faced with another hurdle as the best friend – we have to play bad cop. Whether that’s lying about whose fault the breakup was, telling her you didn’t see him on Tinder (when you actually did) or making sure she doesn’t sleep with sleazy Jon at work as a rebound, we have to stay with our cuffs in our holster.
Additionally, one of the best things you can do for your BFF is to be a ‘non-comparable’ friend.
What I mean by this is that your friend most likely doesn’t want to hear about how you dealt with your past breakup, she doesn’t need you to compare your situation to hers. Rather, she needs you to listen unconditionally. Just be one, big, giant ear and absorb everything. Next, be her shoulder because most likely after venting comes the waterworks.
Friends are the people you choose for a reason: they’re the blood that’s not yours, yet is thicker than water. So be there for’em, even when it’s hard.