“I love living at home!” said probably no one, ever.
If I learned anything from George Costanza, it’s that living with your parents as an adult really is the worst. It’s just not cool to live at home – it never has been – but sometimes it’s your only choice. Sure, people will applaud you for saving money in your younger years but is it really worth it?
It’s like you regress personally and emotionally when you’re back within the walls of your childhood. Your parents start with the “my roof, my rules” BS and by that I mean literally it’s their roof so you really don’t have a say. From having no privacy to no autonomy, the struggles with living at home are endless.
1. Washroom Schedule
Sharing a washroom with a roommate is one thing, sharing a washroom with siblings or your parents can get awkward and messy. Either someone ends up leaving all the towels damp, or there’s a tube of Anusol left behind one mysterious afternoon, or your brother walks in when you’re showering, or for whatever reason all your schedules overlap and everyone’s knocking on the door.
2. Childhood Chores
What sucks about chores as a late teen/adult is that usually, you stop getting petty cash and sweet payments for completing them. You become expected to contribute to the household rather than applauded for doing some basic, adult maintenance.
3. Isolation is a Privilege
Slamming the door of your bedroom doesn’t protect you from your mom’s love for small talk or your dad asking you to help him print something on his 2007 desktop PC. Isolation and downtime really isn’t guaranteed when you live with your parents. Believe it or not, they’ll most likely want to socialize.
Before we even get to the sex topic we should address dating while living at home. Having to admit you live at home on the first date feels a lot like telling a stranger you have an STD. The awkward “where do you live” question comes up and you can’t avoid it. Parents are like roommates, right?
Or better known as abstinence in this case. Whatever sex you’re having, whether it’s relationship sex, casual sex, FWB sex or anything else you’re into, good luck with it. You’ve got two main obstacles: 1) trying to convince someone to even come to your parents home to have discreet sex and 2) having sex while your parents are a few feet away in another room.
6. Guilt Trips
Lazing around and binging Stranger Things all day is nothing to be ashamed of or frowned upon – you work hard, you deserve to be a sloth for a day! Not according to your parents though. They don’t believe in wasting away days, so they’ll most likely guilt trip you passive aggressively every time they pass by you on the couch.
Want to slip out at 10pm on a Tuesday? Got home at 4am on Saturday? Be ready for good cop, bad cop routine and 21 questions from mom and dad.
8. Early Risers
When cohabitating with many different people who are on different schedules and have different hobbies, it’s inevitable that you’ll have some early risers who will regularly disrupt your anticipated Sunday sleep in.
Living at home, as least for me, means living in the suburbs and you know what’s not in the suburbs? Anything cool. And also my job. Commuting a total of three hours a day really eats up some potential quality downtime. Do you know what three hours a day for one year totals? Thirty days. Approximately thirty days of my year are spent in a car/subway.
10. No More Parties At Your Place
Want to host a pre-drink? A birthday? Even a wine and cheese night? Don’t bother because it’s likely going to get interrupted by a member of the family. It’s like dealing with an in-house noise complainer.