Holy sh*t, it’s hot. Like, my forehead looks like a dolphin, hot.
And under most circumstances, that’s great news. For activities like outdoor sports, day-drinking, festivals, and eating ice cream while you shoot ants with water-guns, hot weather is the best. However, when it comes to sleeping, hot weather also happens to be the worst.
Few people have mastered the art of sound sleeping in a greasy satin-padded sauna, so here are a few tips and tricks to help you get some shut-eye during the upcoming stretch of scorchers.
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Put Your Sheets in the Fridge
No, seriously. Put your sheets in a bag and put the bag in the fridge for 30-60 minutes before you go to sleep. Pickles, margarine, and Kraft singles are delicious, but they’re not going to help you crash, so try making some room in there for the stuff that matters this summer.
Ice-Water in Front of a Fan
So it turns out that most fans suck at their job. But that’s ok, because all you need to do is put some ice in a shallow receptacle in front of your half-assed fan and the air will catch the cold water coming off the cubes and create a nice misty breeze across your steaming carcass.
Have a Sort-Of Warm Shower Right Before Bed
Kick your body into cooling mode by dousing it in warm-ish water right before you hit the sack. Don’t make the classic mistake of a cold shower, as this will get your body to turn on the internal heater. And don’t be afraid to bring the damp towel into bed with you; they probably do that kind of thing all the time in Japan…
Dampen the Clothes You Sleep In
Oh, get your mind out of the gutter. Just a little cool water in a few spots around your top, your pants, or even a pair of socks will help your body keep a more chilled temperature for those critical first 15 minutes. If you’re planning on doing this at someone else’s house, just make sure they know you’re doing it before you both go to bed.
Hydrate
During a hot night, you can easily suffer some mild dehydration, and that’s bad news for the snooze. Have some water before bed and keep some next to your bed for when you wake up at 3am thinking you’ve been abducted and left to rot in the Mojave Desert.
A Spray Bottle
They’re not just for Windex and pepper spray gags, people. Keep one of these nifty gadgets next to your bed at night and fire a nice cool mist onto your neck, feet, and face whenever you start to boil over. Worst case scenario, you accidentally grab the Febreze and you don’t have to wear perfume for a month.
Close the Blinds
Ya, ya, ya; sunlight, scenery, nature, blah, blah. Let’s not forget who the enemy is here. Allow as little heat into the room as you can. Sure your place will start to feel a bit like a crack-den, but from what I understand, people in crack-dens have the best naps. And the best crack.
A Movie-Grade Mist Machine
For only about $7,000 you can buy an industrial mist and rain machine that will transform your room from a clammy box of death into a refreshing cloud of moist, heavenly dreams. Hey, if movies and theme parks use them, why shouldn’t you? The mist can cover six meters of space and all you need is 115V of power and about 3 litres of water per minute. As if you can think of a better way to spend your money right now.
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