With many young professionals across Canada “settling down” and “tying the knot” these days, there are also those who are walking away from their marriage. For better or worse, these are the facts and this is the reality. You’ve heard the sad stories of breakup and so have we, but here’s a different perspective…
A strange thing has happened since I entered my thirties. Whereas two years ago my Facebook newsfeed was full of engagements and weddings, today it’s filled with babies…or divorces. I guess it’s a natural progression considering more than 40% of Canadian marriages will end in divorce before the 30th year of marriage.
While that is not good news for everyone who is getting married, it is good news for all of the singles out there. Here’s why: it’s better to date divorcees than never-before-marrieds.
At first glance, that statement probably doesn’t make much sense to most. People think ‘divorce’ and the first thing that comes to mind is ‘baggage’. Obviously divorce and baggage do go together like peanut butter and jam…but so do relationships and baggage (or for those with commitment issues, no relationships and baggage). In short, we all have baggage, so let’s take that out of the equation and I’ll explain to you why it’s better to date a divorcee.
Checklists (or Lack Thereof)
Many women (and men) navigate their lives based upon a very strict trajectory, following a checklist of sorts. First comes entry-level job, then comes a promotion, then comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage. But once you’ve accomplished all (or most) of those checkboxes and then aborted and started all over again, the need to achieve that white picket fence again is much less pressing.
Divorcees have already had the big party, expressed the declaration of undying love and the creation of a life as a couple. It was fun while it lasted, but once it’s over, most divorcees are ready to rediscover themselves rather than jumping into a new long-term relationship/marriage immediately. That gives new relationships time to develop naturally, rather than being pushed along by the ticking of a biological clock or societal pressure.
That being said, divorcees know how to commit. When you’re dating a divorcee, there’s no worry that your new crush is just using you for your car, or your big bank account, or because they just want to get laid. Actually, they could still be using you for those things, but at least you know that they know how to commit, right?
As a divorcee myself, I am a huge advocate for therapy after the end of a marriage. Even a peaceful, equitable divorce can leave a person with serious baggage (trust me, I know from personal experience!). Therapy helps us identify the source of our baggage, find solutions to address the problems and move beyond the issues into a happier, healthier and more productive life. In other words, therapy helps us to get rid of our baggage and be a better partner in future relationships (romantic or otherwise).
Obviously this is a huge selling point to potential suitors. If it’s widely accepted that we all have baggage (and again, we all do), then by dating a divorcee who has done his/her due diligence to figure out what went wrong and what he/she needed to improve upon, you’re actually finding a person with less baggage than the average singleton.
Convinced yet? If not, this is a big one…
There is nothing that will make a person appreciate a new love interest more than a bad prior relationship. Even if the divorcee’s marriage was “perfect,” it is very tough to go through a separation and divorce (and separating assets and endless paperwork) without feeling a bit jaded on the relationship as a whole. That leaves the field wide open for generous guys and gals who want to find a relationship based on mutual respect and appreciation.