Why Emotionally Available Men Need to be Approached With Caution

The sad reality is that modern dating culture has taken a turn for the worst as we seek lifestyle over love and characteristics over connections.

When we have limitless options available thanks to a few taps of an app, it seems a lot of people treat others just like that: options. A lot of the time, millennials date people who seem to make sense with their lifestyle, interests, and if they satisfy their checklist of “requirements.” But too often deep, emotional connections and old-fashioned romance are absent from the equation.

That’s why when a guy who is actually emotionally available and in search of deep connections comes along, it’s a total rarity. It’s refreshing and exciting – but also potentially very dangerous, especially for those of us with a weak but passionate heart.

Imagine this: you meet a guy and you spend the first few dates staying up all night talking, engaging in a deep dialogue about everything from troubled pasts to personal pain. It’s a far departure from the typical small talk that characterizes most first dates. His emotional awareness and availability awakens something in you as well, as the openness offers a safe space to open yourself up too.

With this type of dialogue, connections are quickly formed. When such deep connections are formed early on, you naturally jump right into a relationship with him, and relish in his super sweet text messages, passionate poems, and romantic playlists like a love-struck teenager.

You fall quickly, deeply, and blindly with Mr. Emotionally Available. It’s so easy to.

That’s the first thing to be mindful of. I’ve said it before: if you begin your relationship on such a lust-filled high, rushing into the “I love you” phase, vacations and nightly sleepovers, you have nowhere to go but downhill once the honeymoon phase wears off (and it will wear off). Another thing to keep in mind is that, while the lustful, passionate newfound fling or relationship may seem like a rarity for you (given the city’s dating scene), Mr. Emotionally Available likely does this with everyone he dates. Though he probably does love you as much as he says he does (he tends to fall easily), he’s probably made similar playlists and sent love quotes (hell, maybe even the same ones) to others who have come before you.

He is used to falling in love, even if you’re not. And he knows very well that most females will buy right into his big romance.

Mr. Emotionally Available is also usually a passionate lover, and the two of you may very well have what is the best, most connected sex of your life. That’s also dangerous. It’s easy for good, passionate sex to mask the fact that the two of you simply aren’t compatible.

Once he has awakened that deeper side of you, it’s easy to put Mr. Emotionally Available on a pedestal. Because he is such a rarity, he can often do no wrong through your rose-coloured glasses. But just because he has the capacity to feel love and cry tears doesn’t necessarily mean he is a saint. Of course, you often find that out the hard way, and that contradiction can be tough to process.

Breaking up with Mr. Emotionally Available is also a lot more difficult than it is with the typical guy. The lust-filled high can lead to a brutal fall once the whole thing starts to unravel. It can be gut-wrenching. That’s because it will likely involve marathon conversations, a flood of two inch-long text messages and song lyrics. And he’ll probably cry, which will make the whole thing even sadder. Not to mention, you have likely accumulated no shortage of material to reflect on through your tears, from the playlists to the poetic emails.

For these reasons, Mr. Emotionally Available needs to be approached with just as much caution as the emotionally unavailable set, in my opinion. Though I am not suggesting we all literally date robots (like one quarter of millennials said they would), there is something to be said for having a few walls early in the game.

Once you’re sure about the other person, then they can come crumbling down.

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