What To Do When You Feel Like You’re Outgrowing Your Friends

Isn’t the whole friend thing crazy?

We just choose other people to be our people. A lot of times, we come together because we bond over things we similarly enjoy – then again, sometimes it’s also hating the same things, like talking shit about that bitch Jen from work. There are millions and billions of immensely different people out there yet something drives us to certain souls, and sometimes that lasts a really long time.

But what happens when your friendships last too long, or they started too early?

I know that seems like a dick thing to say but as humans, we are not stagnant and the ebb and flow of our existence is anything but predictable. As we age and grow, we may permanently hold on to only a few root characteristics and core morals but even those are bound to change, and that can be said with regards to our goals and life plans as well.


My elementary school self, high school self, university self and whatever other ‘me’s’ there are floating around have had completely different goals and life plans throughout my life. My objectives ranged from all sorts of things; whether it was career goals, health and lifestyle goals, relationship goals and so on. ‘University me’ had no plans of entering the whole monogamy game, while present-day me is kind of excited to find someone special to Netflix and chill with…but actually Netflix and chill.

What happens though when your friend’s goals stagnate or take a completely different direction than yours? Are you supposed to abandon them? Do you give up on your friendship altogether?

It’s hard to figure out where to go from here and honestly, I’m not sure that there is a solid answer. There’s a reason we chose our weirdo friends from the get-go. I’m a severely career driven work obsessed millennial, sadly, and I’ve got some friends who chose a different thing to obsess over. Since they were 21-years-old, some of my girlfriends put all their energy and ambitions into their boyfriends. And hey, I’m not against love and all that sappy stuff, it just doesn’t consume me entirely like it has for my friends.


Some of my other friends took the “I’m going to take a year off before going to university” thing a bit too far and are 6 years deep into what could only be described as unemployment. To each their own but after a certain point, you want to be surrounded by similar energies and ambitions. I type hesitantly as I don’t want to come off as pretentious – in no way do I have my shit figured out but the point is I know I want to figure it out.

My solution has been to befriend like-minded individuals in a mentorship-like way while still remaining loyal to my current, incredible friends.

After all, humans are not just their pursuits or ambitions – they are also their morals, personalities, joys, habits, vices, ideas and hearts. Good friends are hard to come by so when you find devoted soulmates, you keep them around. And if you can, it’s beneficial to find additional friends who inspire you.

Chances are that even though they’re in a state of inertia, it’s not something they’re reflecting onto you. Expanding my circles in kind of a Venn diagram way has helped me stay rooted while growing. I’m eternally thankful for all the types of friends I have but it’s important I feed my appetite for even more.