Look, we understand our sparsely populated frozen expanse hovering above the Centre of the Universe is essentially a no man’s land in history books and maps South of the Border, but here’s a level of oblivion so bewildering that one can’t help but smile.
Randy Pike of Kentucky racked up a respectable $5,600 on Monday’s episode of Jeopardy before taking on a category from hell, ‘Canadian Cities’, like some sort of hero on a mission. He managed to blow almost all of his earnings in just two questions, first failing to identify Victoria as the provincial capital that was the original Western terminus of the Trans-Canada Highway, and then claiming Edmonton to be an Ontario city symbolized by a swan.
But, Oh Canada, he wasn’t done there.
He finished the round $2,600 in the hole, highlighted by a failure to recognize that Montreal once hosted the Olympics and believing residents of Winnipeg are called ‘Moose Javians’.
Yes, ‘Moose Javians’.
What’s truly remarkable about the feat is that he attempted to answer all five questions in the round. The other contestants, meanwhile, wisely masked their own ignorance by remaining silent, flashing a few sympathetic faces at their struggling comrade like two teens who are just as guilty of egging a house as their friend but would no way in hell share the blame when he got caught.
Fascinating species, these Americans: