I know that a handful of my single and fabulous girlfriends aren’t the only ones with New Year’s resolutions to join Tinder.
And for many of them, it’s actually working out pretty well as they find themselves both flattered and empowered by the attention from a selection of quality men they never knew existed.
But that’s not to say they didn’t approach the app-facilitated dating world with caution.
No, they’re full aware of the horror stories of others – friends of other girlfriends – that have had less-than-ideal experiences. As if being catcalled on the street or “negged on” at the bar in 2016 wasn’t bad enough, today’s female also has to deal with harassment both online and through dating apps.
This is usually unprovoked and the result of unwanted, often aggressive advances from guys who can’t handle the rejection of a female, however respectable that rejection may be.
Instant Checkmate, the background-checking website that you never knew existed, recently compiled a list of the top 10 insults men send women on Tinder.
And there’s nothing classy or progressive about it.
The company made an infographic that chronicles the most common types of abuse suffered by women on Tinder. It’s based on data from Bye Felipe, an Instagram account that shames the douchebag Tinder trolls.
It is admittedly disturbing (and disgusting) to read. It makes you wonder what went so wrong in these guys’ lives and want to punch them in the face at the same time. The top insults include things like the typical, “B, C, and S-words,” along with nasty comments regarding appearance, like “fat” and “ugly.” “Stupid” and “desperate” also made the list. It’s even worse when you read the more detailed torrent of insults contained in the messages found on Bye Felipe.
Now, imagine you’re a female who has just mustered the courage to put herself out there again after a particularly difficult breakup. Perhaps you were already feeling a little jaded about the dating scene in your city and excited by the interesting matches you’ve made. Then imagine being insulted for everything from your looks to your lifestyle after politely ending a brief back-and-forth with someone because you weren’t feeling it. For some females, reading a barrage of insults could feel a lot worse than the breakup or boredom that inspired the decision to join the app in the first place (as in, is this what I’m left with?)
The good news is that accounts like Bye Felipe exist. Although I caution against social media shaming, in the case of harassing ignorant men, I’m all for it. For something that supposedly represents a medium for “progressive dating,” the gender-specific harassment on Tinder is nothing short of warped and backwards, especially in an era of heightened awareness about the mistreatment of females.
Dating apps should empower women – not knock them down.