We wanted to know what young professional (YP) guys really think about dating. So when we found ourselves across the table from a single dude we had never met during after-work drinks with friends, we thought we would get the honest dirt right then and there.
How do you find the dating scene in Toronto?
It’s fun, I guess, but it depends on what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for a girlfriend, it is a little tough, and the Bay Street area seems a little different. You may not find the most genuine person the first night you go out single and looking for people. That being said, that’s not necessarily something I am looking for anyway, but it is definitely something that I have noticed being single for the past while.
Well, my girlfriends and I are familiar with the other side of that, and what we affectionately refer to as Bay Street douchebags… but you’re speaking of a female version?
There are 100 per cent Bay Street bitches. The opposite to the Bay Street douchebags.
Bay Street in that they actually work in finance?
I am not talking about the girls who come down to Financial District on Thursday nights to seek out rich dudes to date. I am talking about the actual successful girls who work there. Most of them, but not all, always seem to have such a chip on their shoulder, like, oh my god, I am a successful woman, I’ve done this for myself and I don’t need anyone. Nobody impresses me. That’s what I’ve noticed. They are still very attractive though.
What industry would your ideal girl be in and why?
That’s a tough question. It really varies. Ideally, not in a creative industry. I find them kind of full of themselves – they tend to think they are really great and successful. Especially marketing type of girls, and girls in advertising. Most lawyers seem to work for me; they are practical and a safe bet. But most I meet my age are married anyway.
Would you say that you have a checklist of requirements when it comes to what you are looking for in a girl?
I don’t look for a particular type of girl, so I don’t have a checklist per se. I was in a relationship for the majority of my twenties, so I am enjoying not being in one. There is a lot to in Toronto being single that doesn’t even involve girls: going out, having fun, not answering to anyone, not feeling guilty about having to be home by a certain time or anything. That’s very appealing to me. But if I am looking, I would want someone who is successful in her own right. I don’t care if she necessarily makes a lot of money, but it is nice when she knows what she wants to do. I don’t want a struggling person who doesn’t want to put any effort into a career or anything like that. Also, someone funny, great looking, and who feels the same way about me. I don’t want somebody to feel they are settling with me or using me for certain other things.
So as a guy who was in a relationship for a long time, do you ever get lonely and miss that companionship?
Sometimes, on Friday nights or whatever. But honestly I’m not going to rush into something for the sake of it or settle for somebody the way a lot of people I know do. That can lead to engagement, but also maybe divorce. I would rather not rush into that and deal with the odd lonely night and find someone I am actually excited about. No rushing, no settling.
What is the worst mistake that females make when text messaging?
Messaging too often when you don’t respond. Double texting for sure. Triple texting. That happened the other night, a girl was like, “hey are you awake?” And then, “how about now?” And another text message, and another. Finally, a “don’t worry about it, no pressure if you don’t want to hang out. See you later. Bye.” And I wasn’t actually sleeping, but I owed her nothing. I don’t want to say something bad about her like she is crazy or whatever. But she clearly thought that we were at the point where I would have her over to just hang out and I was trying to manage expectations.
So what to you is crazy behaviour from a female?
It goes along with the multiple texting, stuff like that. But there are girls who, if you don’t respond to them right away, they will be like where are you? Who are you with? Why are you doing this? The worst are the girls who don’t just ask the questions, but will text allegations. I went through that with a girl and she would do that all the time, and that is probably the number one sign for a guy. It is a problem when no questions are asked in advance, rather more of an allegation and she has made her mind up in her head already. That is a crazy sign.
Do you care if a woman can cook?
No, I don’t think so. I was going to say that it is a bonus, but I really don’t care if a woman can cook or not.
What’s your idea of a really good first date?
This is going to sound really cheesy, but if you’re both laughing a lot and having a lot of fun. An average date may involve good conversation and you get along, but neither party leaves being like ah that person is a lot of fun. It is successful if you leave and really want to see that person again. I know everyone who works downtown is super busy, with busy schedules, so there are a lot of excuses that go around in the dating world. But if you both leave and want to see them again, that’s a good sign.
Have you tried online dating?
Well, Tinder. I think it is a lot of fun. I like how simple it is and it takes some of the uncomfortable factor out of it for the girls. You have to like the person back to talk to them, so you don’t necessarily get messages from people who you don’t want to talk to.
What are you really thinking in the first 5 seconds of a date? She walks in and….
If I think she is as cute as I originally thought she was. Being very honest, that’s what is going to cross most people’s minds. The initial attraction is what goes through everyone’s minds – guy or girl. Before you talk to them, before you sit down, whatever.
Would you lose respect for a girl if she had sex with you on the first date?
I wouldn’t. I had sex with a girl on a first date and I dated her for four years. I don’t think that necessarily matters.
What would ruin an impression then?
If she is disrespectful. I had a date that went fairly well but she was not polite. She showed up at least 20 minutes late and her excuse was that she was at this other bar and got caught up with her friends. For the rest of the date, I was sort of frustrated about that. If she blew my mind in every other way, I would not care less about it, but that is something that would not start a date off very well.
Do you believe in lasting love?
Yeah, why not?
#LYNL | (Live Your Notable Life)