It’s true – you can’t choose your family.
And you certainly don’t get to mix and match come Christmas Day.
Perhaps you’ll get to spend Christmas morning with your girlfriend or maybe you’ll be schlepping across the country on Christmas Eve to share a bed with six of your closest cousins.
Maybe the turkey will be cooked to perfection or maybe it….won’t.
But traditions are a funny old thing. And somehow we wouldn’t have things any other way.
Here are some of the best and worst sentiments you could hear uttered today.
WAKING UP
Best: “I know it’s 11am but you work hard and I wanted to let you sleep as long as your body needed. Here’s some coffee with Bailey’s in it. Merry Christmas.”
b “SANTA’S BEEN HERE!! Wakey wakey, rise and shine. You nearly overslept for our 6am champagne ‘breakfast’. Bottoms up!”
BREAKFAST
Best: “I know you’re probably a little groggy from last night, so I’ve made you a coffee and you can just graze on Cheese-its until you’re ready for a plate of bacon.”
Worst: “You were looking a little peaky, so I made you some smoked salmon. Down the hatch.”
GIFTS FROM MOM
Best: “I know you hate surprises so I buckled and just got you exactly what you asked for, hope that’s okay.”
Worst: “I couldn’t decide if you preferred neon pink or orange… so I bought you one in both colour. Try them on. NOW!”
GIVING YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER THEIR GIFT
Best: “It’s exactly what I wanted! Fits like a dream. Let’s unwrap the rest later…”
Worst: “Size 2? You thought I was a size 2?! I can’t even get one leg in this, you cretin. Oh no, I’m HUGE…”
PRE-DINNER
Best: “The turkey’s just resting – would you mind taste-testing the stuffing for me while we wait?
Worst: “I could have sworn it said to cook for twelve hours. Oh well, everyone likes their turkey crispy, don’t they?”
THE FEAST
Best: “There’s plenty of turkey left. Help yourself to whatever you like and anything you can’t finish just leave.”
Worst: “It was buy one get six free, so I stocked up on Brussel sprouts. They expire today so start handing me your plates when you’ve finished this round.”
AFTER DINNER
Best: “So glad we didn’t wait to get our widescreen TV in the Boxing Day sales. Pass the popcorn.”
Worst: “It’s a film…..and also a book….6 words, second one sounds like arm. Do it one more time. Dammit, Janice, try harder!”
THE AFTER-PARTY
Best: “I just found a bottle of Chateau Neuf du Pap in the basement – seems a shame to wait until New Year’s to crack it. Cheers!”
Worst: “No Uncle Geoffrey, for the fifth and final time, we do NOT want to play strip poker…now put your pants back on.”
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