Let’s face it: the TTC is a rolling, steel-encased cesspool of germs and near-constant delays.
It also has its fair share of quirky characters. Whether you rode the subway that one time with your friend who goes to Ryerson, you’re a 9-5 commuter like me, or you use it to get around the city most days, you’re bound to have run into one of the below riders at some point…
1) “I Fit, I Swear!”
Here’s an idea: maybe wait for the next train that’s coming in 3 minutes! There’s nothing worse than seeing someone running from the platform to the doors and not hesitating at the sight of a full train. If anything, they see it as a challenge. If you’re on the northbound train at Queens Park at 5:15 pm on a Tuesday, expect to get very close and personal with someone from the Financial District.
2) Someone Eating A Beef Patty
The Toronto subway system is notorious for selling beef patties at all hours. And you know why? Because apparently people eat them at all hours.
How do you even have reception right now?! Or right, Wind Mobile…
This person looks like they’re doing the government’s taxes and they only have the subway ride to complete their work. They have three bags: a laptop bag, work bag, and a lunch bag, so they’re likely spilling onto the next seat. They’re balancing their laptop on one knee with scrap papers on the other and typing faster than your ex used to bust. Whatever they’re working on, I hope it was achievable with the limited WiFi the TTC offers.
5) Screaming Child
6) Sleeping Beauty
This was me this past Monday morning minus the whole ‘beauty’ aspect of it. You know how it is, after a long work week you’re usually too gassed to do anything but Netflix binge on a Friday. Then Saturday night is #turnup time, which means you probably went to bed at 3am and you slept till 2pm on Sunday so there’s no way you fell asleep by 10pm, which in turn meant you watched infomercials till 1 am and that’s why you’re sleep deprived and falling asleep on the subway by Monday. No one’s shoulders are safe from Sleeping Beauties; their tired heads will seek refuge on anyone – trust me, I know.
The average deodorant costs $4 at a local Shoppers Drug Mart. There’s not much else to say about this one.
8) Temporary Stalker
I once rode the train home after a Leafs game from Union to Downsview and I shit you not, a man, who was accompanied by his young child, stared at me from the beginning of my route to the end. Needless to say, that was really fun for me.
9) Observer (me)
We’re the people who quietly move away from belligerent passengers, the ones who have their headphones on and calmly people watch. We’re wallflowers and we are silent. Appreciate us.
10) Garbage Trolls
I call these people garbage trolls because they’re horrible! I’ve witnessed people treating the TTC like their own personal garbage dump, which is outrageous considering it’s a shared space that millions of people use. If you litter, you’re a troll and I’m judging you.
11) Man Spreader
This one isn’t too specific to Toronto transit, but it’s still worth a mention. I get it, your balls and package are too precious to be mildly compressed. But come on boys, you don’t need two seats for that thing!