We will be the first to admit that during those first few years post-university spent pavement pounding and navigating the crazy world of young adulthood and first “real jobs,” with our shades of green came insecurity. University marks a time like no other in life, where everyone exists on the same level on an even playing field (aside from the advantageous set blessed with generous trust funds or foreseeable future gifts of family businesses), lives in the same residence rooms and student ghettos, attends the same parties and survives on the same somewhat limited student budget. Very few have made any sort of mark in the world thus far, as high school achievements seem to lose all significance the second prom night ends. We all leave post-secondary institutions with something to prove, goals to materialize and marks to make.
Fast-forward two, maybe three years after university. Your once impenetrable group of friends has become noticeably more dispersed as real life sets in. Divisions begin to form as your peers carve their own quarter-life existence. Some friends have already moved up quickly from entry level positions, others have completed impressive MBA and Masters programs, some have launched promising companies, some are getting married and others are working jobs they could have done in grade school – while a few are still dreaming. It only naturally leaves young professionals to wonder where they rank compared to their friends and their own expectations for themselves. Whether we choose to admit it or not, most of us impose goals and expectations on ourselves: to be married by X, to own a home by X, to earn X amount of dollars this year. With this, of course, comes pressure to produce.
Despite the sea of confident smiles at networking events, insecurity in 20-something young men and women – in everything from career to relationships – is more common than you think. Our cities can be unforgiving, competitive and intimidating, after all, and it is difficult to get ahead without unwavering drive, focus, sleepless nights at the desk and a strong network of connections. Yes, we have seen a few exceptional interns grace both our office and the offices of our business-owning friends with the confidence, drive and no-nonsense attitude of a seasoned businessperson, but this is far from the case for everyone. From what we have witnessed among our young professional circles, YPs generally become more confident and comfortable in their skin once they reach their mid to late-twenties, and here is why.
Things start to happen for you
Once you start to make your own professional, creative, business and relationship gains, you will only naturally gain confidence, stop second guessing yourself and spend less time comparing yourself to your peers. When you first enter the workforce, all green and perky, pretty much everyone is older than you and seems to have more insight and experience than you ever will. Now, you realize you are working with your peers, you know what you’re talking about and you’re the one offering career advice. And that feels good.
You realize that everyone is on different life paths
Everyone on the planet has completely unique stories that have shaped where they are at present time. What works for your best friend doesn’t necessarily work for you and what works for that couple next door won’t necessarily work for you in your relationship. You realize that just because your friends are married, that their lives are not perfect and from time to time they wish (even for one day) that they could live your free-as-a-bird lifestyle. Furthermore, you come to recognize that most people have had to struggle both personally and professionally at some point – not just you.
You accept that “normal” doesn’t exist
By our late twenties, we appreciate that society in general is less narrow-minded and judgmental than it used to be when we were kids in grade school with white picket dreams of the future. The lines are now blurred as to where we should be at different life stages. The creative class has gained influence and prestige, more gay and lesbians are open, out and legally married than ever before, and countless young people return to school or change careers multiple times before they reach their early thirties. In short, “normal” doesn’t exist anymore.
Comparing yourself to others is a waste of energy
The time you spend lamenting about where you should be, where they are, what you don’t have, and what they do have could be spent directed to something that will better your life. As you mature, you quickly discover this for yourself. Young professionals lead busy lives and have only a limited amount of energy to spend…by a certain point you learn to use it wisely and strategically.
Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s just fine
You grow to realize that, even if you try, you can’t please everyone, nor will you like everyone who crosses your professional or social path. By the same token, not everyone is going to like you and you grow to accept that. We no longer feel as slated by the words and actions of others and learn to take things less personally once real issues and priorities become centre focus.
We suspect that, as careers mature and life experiences materialize further, any remaining layers of insecurity fade as the journey continues. After all, you know who you are, what you stand for and what it takes to accomplish your individual goals…and that’s all that matters.