Stop Shopping for That Significant Other

We used to go out hunting, or shopping, if you will, as one of our beloved (now married) formerly very single girlfriends used to call it.  In other words: shameless prowling with an end goal of actively seeking and “catching” that hidden gem of a person to become your new significant other (SO). We admit we probably didn’t realize it then, but we can tell you now that nothing good ever comes from it. Here is why prowling for a relationship, whether in a coffee shop or out on the town, is never a good idea. 

Prowling men look creepy and prowling women look desperate.
Do you want to be that guy or girl? Enough said. 

Your desperation is written all over your face.
Guys can sense it. Ladies can sense it. People who are actively looking are not fully engaged in the moment…and it’s easier than you think for others to tell if your mind is wandering elsewhere. Prowlers constantly glance around and always check out new people who enter the room. They may incessantly fix or adjust themselves or appear agitated (likely because they are not seeing anyone who is “worth it”) and unconnected with their company. Alternatively, they may make their rounds, doing laps around the bar, with a perfected strut and assessing stares to everyone in their sight. No matter how subtle, prowlers don’t fool anyone. 

Desperate isn’t attractive.
By now, we all know that what makes people attractive goes so much further than physical appearance. Attractive people are comfortable in their own skin, have a positive energy, savour the moment and enjoy their company. Instead of approaching the done up, fake smiled, eye darting females strategically perched at the bar, we are going to bet that the typical male is more drawn to the group of relaxed women laughing and having fun, blissfully unaware of any potential prowlers among them. At the same time, a group of guys who collectively turn their heads and commentate as anything with two legs walks by rarely reap the fruits of their feeble efforts. Not only does it scream pathetic, desperation means there is no chase…and we all need a little chase. 

You may attract others who are on the prowl as well….but not necessarily for the same reasons.
Some singles may hit the town with one mission in mind: to get laid, no strings attached, a sleepover and exchange of numbers never guaranteed. Your agenda with finding that “soul mate” can leave you naïve and vulnerable, and (especially if alcohol is involved) you may think the stranger you just met could be your exclusive SO within a month….while he or she may think you’d be perfect for the evening, and perhaps once in the morning. Men sleep with desperate girls (it’s easy, after all) but they don’t marry them. At the same time, we have seen women take full advantage of prowling men themselves, accepting a drink (and perhaps a round for her friends) before brushing him off and moving on to the next.

So you’re bound to be disappointed.
If your expectations are not met, you’re going to be disappointed. You may feel like it was a waste of a night, money or even an outfit if you return home without a phone number or even fun flirt session with a stranger that reaffirms that “you’ve still got it.” If you were feeling lonely before, than you’re going to end up feeling even worse after when you wake up lonely on Sunday and no further ahead in the romance department.or in the bed of someone, feeling guilty and wishing you woke up alone.

Because nothing good is forced.
Yes, it is cliché but true: love connections always happen when you are not looking for it…when you probably don’t even look your best, like in line at the grocery store, at a committee meeting or over a friendly game of pool at a bar. Hitting the town is supposed to be a release and reward for all of our hard work, so go out with no other expectation than to have a good time. Much like shopping, you never find anything when you are looking for it. If you snag someone up just for the sake of it, you are just going to have to do an exchange at some point anyway. Why bother?