Sh*t Young Professionals Say: Quotes of the Week

We young professionals (YPs) say some crazy things. We are actually quite witty when both we want to be and when we aren’t trying at all. We decided to start documenting the sh*t fellow YPs say. Here are a few funny things seen and heard in the past week by fellow young professionals in Toronto; stay tuned for Vancouver, Calgary and Montreal. 

“Well, at least I looked really good when I saw him. I had on this hot little dress with wedges and my new purse. But I pulled back my hair in a ponytail because, you know, it was a Tuesday night and I didn’t want to look too good.” Pause. “You know what I mean.”

Female, 30, when referring to a run-in with an ex

“Then she came up to me and admitted that she had crossed the line. I was like, ‘crossed the line? You stepped way beyond the line. The line is miles away. You can’t even see the line. Please, get out your binoculars and look for the line.’”

Female, 27, when discussing an issue with a coworker

“Those high-wasted granny jean shorts that all the young, hot chicks are wearing make the girls who are too old to wear them that much hotter.”

An observation made while people watching on a patio by male, 28

“I mean, we’re on good terms. We talk every day. And when I say talk, I mean that I message him every day. It’s one-sided. Does that count?”

Female, 28, when referring to contact with an ex

“I hate those cars with the drawing of the family in the back window. It’s so lame. Even if I had a family, I wouldn’t do that. I’m going to get one made of me with two chicks with massive boobs on either side of me.”

Male, 38, when discussing car woes

“I can’t party like I used to. I went out hard two nights in a row and now I feel like I have two brain cells left.”

“So you cut the one you had in half?”

Female, 30, when discussing the weekend prior with a friend, male, 33

“I am going to be the first to say it: look at his biceps.”

Male, 34, when referring to his newborn son 

“I asked her how her day was and she said ‘ish’. So that’s a bad thing, right? God, I don’t like the new wave of slang.”

Male, 33 when referring to a conversation with his 15-year-old niece

“No, I have no idea. It’s top secret information and you have to work here a year before you find out.”

Server to the YP male who asked, “Do you know where the bathroom is?”  

“Man, I hate that club. It’s where sixes go to become tens.”

Male, 31, in making Saturday evening plans with friends


Image from Sh*t Girls Say