Unless you’re a hermit, chances are you’ll inevitably run into your ex at some point following your breakup.
Maybe you’ll be one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have to encounter that awkward situation for at least a few months so you’ll have time to get that Victoria Secret-worthy body that will make him regret his ill-minded decisions and beg you to take him back.
But things don’t always happen the way we plan and the harsh reality often involves you awkwardly stumbling your words as you panic to escape the embarassing situation.
We’ve all been there before. This is what actually goes down when you run into your ex.
Expectation: He’ll be pining for you and totally celibate as he heals his tortured heart.
Reality: You bump into him at the check-out counter buying a jumbo pack of condoms.
Expectation: When you run into him you’ll naturally be wearing the classiest outfit that shows how put together you are.
Reality: You haven’t done laundry in weeks and you’re wearing something stained with last night’s pizza.
Expectation: You’re the definition of calm, cool and collected. You treat every new development in his life as if it’s absolutely wonderful, gushing with, “That’s amazing! I am soooo happy for you!”
Reality: “WOW, I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU! THAT’S TERRIFIC! WHAT? NO, I’M NOT SHOUTING!”
Expectation: After spotting him and locking eyes, you’ll strut up to him fiercer than Beyoncé at the Super Bowl.
Reality: After making awkward eye contact, you’re not sure if you should walk towards him or turn around and bolt to the door. You end up taking three steps and walking into a door frame in front of him. You’re not sure if your ego or knee is more bruised.
Expectation: You’ll have a mature and pleasant chat and tell him how happy you are that he’s met someone new.
Reality: You’ll wind up getting emotional and either beg him to take you back or, worse, tell him how you really feel about his new girlfriend.
Expectation: You immediately notice that he looks tired and dishevelled, sporting a very unflattering haircut, and suffering from an acne outbreak from the stress he’s undergone from losing you.
Reality: You’ve never seen him look so good. After dumping you, he joined a gym, got a promotion at work, and is living life like John Mayer.
Expectation: The moment your ex sees you, he instantly confesses he’s still madly in love with you. You reply by rolling your eyes and telling him how much you’ve changed. You’re different people now. You converted to a Game of Thrones person and he definitely won’t understand that.
Reality: They don’t even notice you’re standing two feet in front of them. Finally, after you repeatedly tap his shoulder to get his attention, he blankly stares back at you for a few moments before realizing who you are.
Expectation: You can’t believe that you ran into them here. You “forgot” he gets his dry cleaning done here once a week. You share a brief chat and brush him off on your way out the door.
Reality: You’ve secretly been prepping for this moment for the past five months, walking past this dry cleaner every chance you can and hoping you run into him. He doesn’t find this surprise encounter charming and looks like he’s about to call the police.
Expectation: You’ve spent the last five months at the gym and have done so many squats you could bounce a quarter off your ass. You look incredible and your ex won’t believe how amazing you look.
Reality: You haven’t stepped foot in a gym in months. The only exercise you’ve done lately is tear up the dance floor in a sloppy, drunken state after polishing off a bottle of wine.
Expectation: You can tell your ex you’re in a new relationship that’s getting pretty serious. Your new beau has already asked you to move in and you’re so happy you’ve finally met someone who’s ready for a committed relationship.
Reality: The only relationship you’re in is with your Netflix account. You awkwardly blurt out you’re dating this hot new guy, only your ex knows when you’re lying and immediately rolls his eyes and walks away.