People Are Reviewing Toronto Strip Clubs on Yelp

By Lisa Lagace 

Look, gentleman’s clubs are a part of young professional life. 

It’s just that (appropriately) no one ever talks about it. What you do on your bachelor party, in Vegas, or a lonely Monday afternoon is your business and your business alone. 

Only some people don’t feel that way.  

And while we have no idea why anyone would ever feel the need to review a strip club (or who’s seriously looking for said reviews), many Torontonians are doing just that. 

With, as you can imagine, rather hilarious results…


“Who would give this place less than 5 stars??!!!”
– Mr C.

Not sure, Mr. C, maybe people who reserve 5 stars for establishments that don’t cater to human fluids.

“The girls are hot (compared to the strippers in LA). I was quite impressed by the way they looked although there were still girls who couldn’t dance. We opted for the Lower Brass because it was our first time and we didn’t really know what to expect.  I liked the fact that there was no cover but 2 beers cost us $22 so we sipped those really slowly. The setup was really weird and uncomfortable. The seats in front of the stage reminded me of a sushi bar. The seats farther back are also set up like a restaurant. We ended up sitting in the front so that we wouldn’t have to look at creepy men but our necks hurt from constantly turning left and right. The cool thing about Canadian strip clubs is that strippers don’t expect you to tip (since the smallest bill is $5) so we sat in the front without feeling like we had to part with our money.”
– Yi Z

This guy must be every stripper’s dream customer. If you’re too cheap to tip the woman shaking her ass for you, stop staring at her. It’s like people who don’t tip waitresses – if you can’t afford it, don’t go.

“This is the best strip bar in town. Not the biggest or best floor plan, but in terms of the ladies, this place wins. Almost every girl is at least an 8/10, and a healthy amount of 9s and 10s. The beer is pretty expensive, but you get what you pay for. If you want $10 lap dances go to Jilly’s and get one from a toothless crack hoe. If you want premium ladies, come here. (That’s what she said.)”
– Eric L.

You heard him, ladies and gentlemen – let’s all head to Jilly’s.


“It was horrible night there. Suddenly a bbw girl started rubbing my body. I escaped. It’s mostly better for elderly guys”
– Arman S.

Poor Arman, getting violated by a heavy girl at a strip club. Every guy’s nightmare. You’d think those willing to pay money just to look at a naked woman would be happy enough to have any woman rub their body. Even better is that Filmores management responded to his review:

“Thanks for the feedback Arman. While we strive to exceed your expectations, once in awhile an inappropriate dancer slips through our system. Normally, we try to ensure there are a variety of dancers for your entertainment including a preponderance of gorgeous sexy girls. Also, our customer demographic changes through the course of an evening, getting younger later into the night. I have referred your review to the Entertainment Director to address. We look forward to your next review.” 


“I am a rare breed. It isn’t often that someone can review a strip club, not for the quality of their women, but for the quality of their food. Yes, that’s right, my name is Neil and I have EATEN at a strip club (hey, I warned you all I was a dumpster diver). This dates back a number of years to my college days at Ryerson. Upon suggestion of a filthy Polish friend, we decided to venture to the Z for a little bit of somethin’ somethin’ before our next class. Seeing as how we were both hungry, the only logical thing to do (it seemed logical at the time) was to kill two birds with one stone by eating at ‘the rips’. We both opted for a standard burger and fries; both tasted store bought. It was probably something they picked up at Costco or M&M Meats. But hey, we’re at the rippers, food isn’t exactly their specialty so not sure why I am complaining.

Overall, I gotta give 2 stars for the food, 3 stars for the entertainment (thank you Svetlana).”
– Neil T.

Thanks, Neil, for taking almost 200 words to tell us something we definitely already knew. Just be glad you didn’t get food poisoning from that burger.

“Some of the girls here are really scary. Like zombie pirate women or something. SCARY STUFF! Wrinkly waitresses. Streaky polls (Eykgh!). Creepy patrons (ugh I was one of them for 10 minutes of my life). Don’t get me wrong there were still some nice looking ladies here but every now and again you get chills as you look up to find out the one trying to bring you for a dance is king tuts corpse hovering over your knee. *shivers*
– Thomas B.

Streaky polls. Do we really need to read anything else about a strip club after that? Lord, help us all.


“This place was the first strip club I ever visited in my life, and I will forever be a fan. Let’s just say that Canadians are generally WAAAAAY less uptight about sex and tend to be a lot more hospitable and accommodating than Americans. 

They actually put out.

And another great thing about it: it’s not in a sketchy downtrodden area with druggies and muggers lurking everywhere. It’s right in the middle of the Toronto Financial Quarter!!!!

You can invite any of the dancers into one of the dark rooms in back for a private encounter and these guys can do anything for you. Anything you could ever imagine.

And I’ll leave the rest up to your mind.  ;D”
– Ray S. 

You don’t need to leave the rest up to our mind, Ray, you already told us they put out. 



Images: Brass Rail, Dale Roddick

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