So maybe you’ve been on a few dates with someone, hung out a few times, and you’ve realized that you just aren’t that into them. When dealing with a situation where the two of you have been dating for a long time, a face-to-face, clear breakup is without question. But if it is still at the point of very casually dating (before it crosses the “seeing eachother” line) and you realize he or she just isn’t the one, here are a few things to consider…
If you know, and it’s necessary, tell them
Let’s face it; the easiest thing to do is to drop subtle hints that you are not interested (or for some, to disappear all together) and hope that the astute YP gets the message. However, we all know that the best thing to do is to be honest and tell the other person that you’re not feeling it. If it is something superficial that you just can’t get past, like the fact that he or she looked nothing like their picture or you don’t like the way they laugh or eat, by all means keep these opinions to yourself. The same is the case if you simply don’t find him or her interesting or attractive. Rather, tell them that you think you are better suited as friends, but not before saying something you like about them first. Tell them how much fun you had with them and you’d love to hang out again as friends. If you discussed your mutual love for art, suggest checking out your city’s Picasso exhibit. Chances are, the other person won’t follow through once the “F-bomb” is dropped. If they do, well, you can never have too many friends. Of course, the alternative is to “tell them” but place the blame on things like crazy work schedules, your unhealed heart or any other factor that could magically disappear the minute Mr. or Mrs. Right comes along. Though the former is always preferred, be vocal either way.
Or, limit contact and hope they get the hint
For YPs who are veterans on the dating scene, most seem to understand a common code in terms of dating correspondence. If not into someone, the you may wait longer than usual to call the other person back and be less vocal in text message or email exchanges, replying back with one word answers that don’t attempt to keep the dialogue going. No information is conveyed aside from the bare minimum and no questions are asked. Any correspondence may be peppered with hints like how busy you’ve been at work, how stressed out you are, etc., but try to avoid making excuses for your behaviour because it may give the other the idea that an explanation was owed in the first place. Although some young professionals truly are swamped and may take time to reply to certain emails and text messages, every YP knows that there is no way a message from our desired person of interest is going to sit unanswered for too long. If it does, it is purely accidental.
Don’t ask him or her for anything
If you know that you are not into the other person, don’t ask him or her for a favour or expect them to go out of their way to do something nice for you like make a business introduction or use their connections to score VIP concert tickets. Not only may it be taking advantage of their feelings for you (and accompanying will to make you happy), but when you do finally put on your grown-up pants and end things with the other, he or she may very well hold it above your head. This will likely result in more of a headache for you than the favour was worth. Not to mention, he or she could have used that favour on someone who was actually worth their while.
Do not string along
The worst thing you can do to someone if you are not interested in them is to selfishly string them along because they fill the relationship void, are good “friends with benefits” or because you generally like hanging out with him or her but do not see a future with them. It is especially important because when one person is into the other (and this is especially the case with women), he or she tends to judge the other by their actions, not their words. So, you wanting to see him or her every other day, even if you thought you made it clear from the start that you were not looking for anything serious, may translate to the other than you are in fact interested in pursuing something more. Optimistic and sometimes endearing, those smitten with another may read into things and make them seem like more. For (extreme) example, we have witnessed a certain YP male craft a sweet, thoughtful and caring text message and send it to five girls to see who would bite and thus occupy his bed later that evening. The girl receiving it surely smiled and showed her friends before warmly replying to the text. We didn’t follow up, but we are pretty sure she was in tears the following week.
As in anything else, letting someone know you are not into them can be broken down into the simple words of wisdom to do to others what you’d want done to you. In the YP dating world, karma knows no boundaries and what goes around comes around. Just because you are the uninterested one now, you could very well be the one heartbroken months down the road. Remember that.