I swear on my childhood, if this news about Timbits Cereal is true…

Some news leaves you staring emptily at, well, who knows, everything is a blur and thoughts cease to register.

This is that type of abyss. Hold onto something tight that’s holding into something tight: Tim Hortons has announced Timbits Cereal. Swear to God, this is real. It exists and will be available across Canada soon.

That leaves an indeterminately short amount of time to ween yourself off grapefruit or fasting or whatever you currently eat that is not Timbits Cereal.

The cereal, deeply detrimental to a healthy, complete breakfast, comes in two heart-stopping flavours: chocolate glazed and birthday cake.

It’s like Tim Hortons just wanted to be on one of those memes where nobody says anything and then, BANG, drops two entirely unasked-for cereals. Here’s the evidence:

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🍩Tim Hortons Timbit Cereal🍩 – 🙆🏼‍♀️Okay, Birthday Cake Timbits are my FAV and now I find them in the form of cereal!? I didn’t even know these were a thing!!? – Omg and they taste just like the donut. I am super happy with the flavor!👌🏼 – Apparently there’s a chocolate glazed flavor out there too that I need to find now.😋 – Flavor 10/10 🙌🏼 – – – – – – – – – – #timhortonscereal #timbits #birthdaycake #donutcereal #donutsarelife #carbsaregood #cerealkiller #timhortons #timhortonscanada #fitnesslifestyle #snacks #funfood #foodie #foodporn #cerealbowl #birthdayflavor #timhortonsdonuts #donutsunday #iifym #flexibledieting #ifitfitsyourmacros #foodlover #carbsafterdark #doughnuts #timbitcake #timbitsarelife

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“We all know how hard it is to resist Timbits®, so we are very excited to be able to bring the fun of enjoying Timbits® to cereal bowls across the country,” said David Bagozzi, Vice President of Marketing, Post Foods Canada, which is implicated as a collaborator in the matter. “I know from my own experience how beloved Timbits® are – based entirely on how quickly they disappear whenever someone brings a box into the office!”

According to a press release, Timbits cereal will hit grocery store shelves across the country beginning in early 2020. Start lining up now.