When it comes to young professionals (YPs) and dating, the t-word is, unfortunately, more prevalent than the l-word.
And we’re not talking about Tinder.
T stands for time (or timing), and it seems to dictate the way we all date – both as a reality and an excuse.
The timing’s wrong. How often have you ended a relationship or failed to start one because the timing was off? Many of us can even look back and know exactly who the one was that got away, and that if fate-touched paths crossed today, it would be much better than before. Isn’t it kind of sad that the one you end up with isn’t necessarily the person who you had the most connection with in life, but the one who made sense when the timing was finally right? It’s even sadder when you realize maybe the timing was right (or at least manageable) all along… now that it’s too late. That’s why it’s important to ask yourself: what will it take for the timing be right?
There isn’t enough time for a relationship. Between the work day that keeps getting longer, the deadlines, the gym, that charity committee (that you kind of guiltily regret joining) and mandatory nights out with the guys or girls, most of us claim to simply not have time for a relationship. The thing is, if Obama, Oprah and Richard Branson can maintain relationships with their schedules, we’re pretty sure anyone can. It all comes down to the will and effort to make the time. If you don’t want to make time, you won’t. But we’ve seen even the busiest YPs become magically less busy and selfish with their time once that person comes along who doesn’t make it feel like a sacrifice. We’re busy, but if Ryan Gosling wants a relationship…
We have more time. Another way that the pre-occupation with time can affect our dating lives is the notion that we will always have more of it. This means more time to party before we settle down. More time to kiss strangers on vacation. More time to find that person who is more perfect for us in more ways than the one standing in front of us. But when do we stop having time? Admittedly, men may indeed have more of it. When it comes to women, we’ve seen the demise of dating days dictated by the relentless biological clock. Meaning, it puts her single life to an immediate end and she (shudder) settles for someone – anyone – because time is literally running out. If you find something great, really consider if it’s worth not pursuing because you think you’ll always have time to get serious. Life moves quicker than you’d like to think.
Or, we could be at the right place at the right time. And do nothing about it. Call us old-fashioned, but we like to believe that organic, serendipitous encounters still exist. You know, actually meeting someone without the aid of an app, dating site, or matchmaking attempt by your friend. Most of us who grew up before app and internet-facilitated dating even existed still believe in rom-com twists of fate when it comes to love. Admit it. But it means taking advantage of such encounters; things like accepting that cottage invite when you don’t know half of the group who’s going, following that stranger’s lingering stare through with a “hello,” and simply going for it when you find yourself in a random connection with someone.
Is the t-word a reality or an excuse for you? Not to simplify what’s clearly a complex issue with yet another letter of the alphabet… but if you’ve found what we call the ‘three Cs that make you a keeper’, then we suggest that any excuse involving the t-word go out the door. It may just be, well, time.
#NOTABLE
Cover photo from: http://www.thefrisky.com
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