How Not to Ruin Christmas Dinner

Most of us have been looking forward to the days surrounding the 25th for a long time now.

Time off, egg nog, skiing, movies, parties, free stuff, and family time are all so close we can feel it. Finally, after a year of meetings and events with people we have to see, we get a few days with the people we want to see (mostly).

And with Thanksgiving so far gone, we’re just chomping at the bit for another massive holiday meal.

But it’s a fragile time. We’re so wound up for a few big days that sometimes the slightest glitch can turn a dinner into a downer, or a chit-chat into a massive throw-down where you just want to give someone a concussion with a turkey leg.

Here at Notable, we want to make sure you don’t pull the plug on the Christmas lights. So here are some tips on how not to scrooge everything up at Christmas dinner.  

You’ve Never Heard of Politics
What’s an Obama? The Liberal Party? You bet I’m down for a liberal party – where the shots at!? Don’t be the one that turns Christmas dinner into a Wolf Blitzer segment. There’s plenty of time to talk tax policy after the holidays when you’re by yourself…you know, in an abandoned grotto where nobody on the planet can hear you.

Don’t Talk About Your Ex… Any of Them
Unless you have a child that everyone knows about, follow in the footsteps of sweet Mother Mary and just pretend you’re a virgin. Especially if an ex has ever been involved in prior holiday affairs. Little good can come of combining your new significant other with liquor, extended family, and ex-talk. Just steer clear of this topic and nobody will end up with Rudolph’s nose.

Pretend Everyone is Four Years Old
You wouldn’t be passive-aggressive with a child, would you? Or drop f-bombs on a toddler? We know that adults are supposed to understand certain things and are supposed to behave in certain ways but that doesn’t mean they’re going to. Much like the “picture-everyone-in-their-underwear” technique has proven effective for keeping calm during public speaking, the “picture-everyone-as-a-struggling-baby” technique can come in handy for maintaining holiday composure.

Only Tell Stories You Would Pitch to Steven Spielberg
If you paid $25 for a ticket and a bag of popcorn and then sat through a five-minute movie about how it took someone 31 minutes to find parking at the mall, would you want your money back? Yes. Yes, you would. If you are forced to talk about work and the next trip you have planned, so be it. But try not to bore everyone to death at the world’s biggest birthday party. That’s what the asparagus is for.

If You’re Going to Drink a Lot, Drink Enough to Pass Out
The wine, beer, and booze is probably flowing. And while Christmas is a time for benevolence, to many it’s also a time for indulgence. And we’re ok with that. But if you fall into liquored-up-limbo, unable to filter the slush from the snow, and impervious to “that’s enough” cues like awkward blushes and projectile fire logs, you’re in line for a candy-caning. If you’re gonna hit it hard, just make sure you’re counting reindeer before someone hoofs you.


Cover image from: National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

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