How Not to Be Sh*tty When You’re Actually Keeping Your Resolutions

You know what’s even worse than breaking your New Year’s resolutions?

Broadcasting that fact to the whole damn world.

By all means, vow to make a bunch of drastic changes in your life and all power to you if you can achieve them – especially given that you’re almost guaranteed to fail. All we ask is that you use your indoor voice before, during, and after the process.

Here are a few ways to avoid being a sanctimonious ass when you’re managing to keep your resolutions…

Avoid preaching.
Whatever it is that you just started doing, keep in mind that millions of people have been doing it all along while you’re not even a week in. Like, cool, you’re into salads now – our moms have been telling us to eat our greens since we were born.

Do not publish on social media.
Writing your resolutions down in a journal or on your smartphone is a great way to hold yourself accountable. Publishing them on social media is a great way to irritate everyone who’s just endured an entire holiday season of humblebraggery.

Refrain from sh*tting on other lifestyles.
So you’re looking for a more fulfilling job in 2016. Great, there’s nothing wrong with having ambition. You can set that plan in motion without referring to everyone who doesn’t share your desire to become a lifestyle blogger as peasants working for The Man.

Recognize that words mean nothing.
The old adage that actions speak louder than words rings especially true for New Year’s resolutions. You’re probably dying to litter your Instagram with pseudo-profound bullsh*t – don’t do that. Unless one of your resolutions is to exude low intelligence.

Keep in mind it’s a marathon, not a sprint.
We’re five days in – cricket matches last longer than that. Don’t start claiming victory until you see 2017 calendars popping up. Consider every milestone until December 31, 2016 as progress, not an achievement. You don’t want to be this person…