Did you know Lucky Charms is actually, like, 90 per cent toasted oat pieces?*
Of course not, because if you cared about nutrition in cereal you’d eat homemade whole grain granola with organic honey, goji berries, and chia seeds like an adult. You probably don’t even notice them because you’re blinded by radiant blue half-moons and misshapen rainbows.
No, the only thing you care about is getting to the sweet stuff – those mummified marshmallows that look like ecstasy pills your college roommate could have cooked up in the dorm bathroom. But since you aren’t privy to Kylie Jenner’s cereal slaves, you probably can’t commit the necessary time to separating the contents of your cereal because you do actually have an adult life to participate in.
Well, great news, because General Mills is releasing limited edition boxes of Lucky Charms with everyone’s optimal marshmallow to healthy flotsam ratio – 1:0. That’s right, one marshmallow for every zero piece of toasted oat.
The catch? There are only 10 of them and require some effort to obtain. If you’re feeling lucky, simply share a photo of yourself holding an imaginary box of Lucky Charms on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram between now and 18 using the hashtag #Lucky10Sweepstakes.
“Our goal with Lucky Charms and all our cereals is to provide a balanced breakfast and while we know everyone loves the marshmallows, the oats are an important part of the cereal too,” said a company spokesman during a brief moment of contrived responsibility.
There’s even a promo video for the contest featuring Biz Markie, who once created one of the 100 greatest hip-hop songs of all time. You don’t have to watch it.