Desperate Times: McDonald’s Will Add Three Kale Salads to its Canadian Menu

Kale has officially reached the tipping point.

It’s soul has been sold. It is the quinoa of 2015.

Everyone’s favourite, trendy, leafy green has been summoned to revive one of the world’s most prominent symbols of soulless consumerism, McDonald’s, which has seen sales drop off recently as human beings slowly begin to develop a conscience about what they put into their bodies. 

And while we all know you can’t make friends with salad, maybe you can use it to save multi-billion dollar businesses. 

A trio of salads – Caesar, Greek and harvest garden – across Canadian McDonald’s locations will feature kale as a main ingredient alongside other wholesome contaminants like salty, sugary dressing, plastic cheese, and varying artificial solids. 

The kale menu items will be rolled out on a test basis first, so don’t burn your Whole Foods member card just yet. It’s all part of McDonald’s President and CEO Steve Easterbrook’s scheme to turn the franchice into a “modern progressive burger company.”

Kind of like how the Hamburglar is a modern, progressive dad now.

The focus on kale – a powerhouse among plants on social media with almost 1.5 million hashtags on Instagram – certainly makes a lot of sense, much unlike the company’s recent decision to force the Hamburglar back into the public eye. 

It was decidedly awful, yet Millennials loved it for some reason

Consumers are weird. 

Photo courtesy of Kelly Chiello 


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