Americans like phallic vegetables, the French are perpetually in love, and Australians spend a considerable amount of time off the wagon.
And Canadians? Well, we like smiling turds.
Software company SwiftKey just released the most significant study of millennial behaviour in years, analyzing over one billion pieces of emoji data to determine which emotions, penis proxies, weather complaints, and murder weapons are most popular in which country.
And the results are truly fascinating.
Canadians are by far the fondest of feces, but we also love to send eachother guns and subliminal sexts – peaches, eggplants and the astrological sign for cancer, which is pretty much just a ’69’ in exactly the position it would be carried out. On a more positive note, we also lead the world in sports and LGBT emojis.
The French, meanwhile, are more about love than defecation, flings, and violence, using the heart emoji four times as often as speakers of another language.
Arabic users send 8 times as many roses as non-Arabic speakers, are fond of bikinis, and SMS eachother bombs and other symbols of mass destruction more than four times the average rate.
Australians, never ones to decline a proper bender, are most keen to boast about drug and alcohol activity, a blow to anyone trying to dispel that stereotype.
Russians, meanwhile, are just tired of the damn cold, by far the biggest users of the snowflake emoji. Brits like to wink, Brazilians are exuberant about religion, and Spanish communicate the most negatively.
A sure sign of the times, the newspaper emoji ranks near the bottom of the list.
More pressing issues, like why pixelated poo is a concerningly big part of our correspondence in the first place, weren’t evaluated.
Welcome to a new frontier of national identity.