Pre-Easter disaster is spreading through the Commonwealth.
Shelves of Cadbury Creme Eggs – the official symbol of Jesus’ resurrection – will apparently be empty across the United States this year, while lovers of the chocolate-crusted questionable goo in the United Kingdom will be forced to enjoy a watered down, damn basic version of their favourite annual treat.
And they’ll pay more for it, too.
This year’s British eggs will be made using “standard cocoa mix chocolate” instead of Dairy Milk chocolate and be sold in packs of five instead of the standard half-dozen – for just 20p less.
Thatcher would be proud.
And in true English fashion, the people are (metaphorically) rioting. Some citizens have written heartfelt ballads, while others are petitioning to “Change Back the Shell of the Cadbury Creme Egg to Dairy Milk” on Change.org.
Some wonder whether the Easter bunny will bother to show up at all this year.
In the US, meanwhile, Hershey’s has filed a lawsuit to ban imports of the original, much tastier version of Creme Eggs because they hold “an exclusive right to produce some other British candies — like Cadbury Creme Eggs,” albeit using an agreeably less enjoyable recipe.
This means the sub-par Hershey’s eggs will have a monopoly on the Creme Egg market on top of offering an inferior product in the first place.
Not really how capitalism’s supposed to work.
But now for the good news, confirmation that we do indeed live in the greatest country on earth:
Cadbury Creme Eggs will be available in Canada in their original, cavity-inducing state.
Mondelez Canada spokesperson Stephanie Minna Cass delivered the holy message: “There are no changes to the Cadbury Creme Egg in Canada other than some great new packaging that is being rolled out.”
So while we relish the season of purple and gold, our friends to the south and across the pond might have to skip Easter altogether this year.
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