A Male’s Argument for Sex on a First Date

Women in their thirties are hard to impress but easy to sleep with. Before you hate me too much, I am aware that this statement sounds categorically chauvinistic. What I’m actually saying is this: women in their thirties are confident enough in themselves to take what they want without worrying what a man might think – but impressing them enough to get that far is much more difficult.

Any guy will tell you that confident, exciting, ambitious women who know exactly what they want are the sexiest type of women. That type of woman would never apologize for having sex on the first date and it isn’t because they have loose morals, it’s because they have a crystallized view of who they are. 

If there’s one thing that gives me a bad impression on a first date, it’s when the chemistry is glaringly apparent, the conversation is easy (as in, “it feels like I’ve known you forever”) and the timing is perfect; but for a reason that is arbitrary at best, there is no sex. This isn’t to say that a date should end in the bedroom necessarily (there are plenty of reasons why it shouldn’t), but if everything is pulsing in that direction, why wouldn’t you? 

In my dating history, this seems to, without fail, happen often because a woman is either worrying about what I will think of her or what her peers will think. I can’t count the times when I do have sex on the first date and at the first opportunity, she tells me “I usually don’t do this,” or asks, “you don’t think less of me do you?” If you are going to be meek, opt out entirely. Honestly. 

Men don’t call women “sluts.” Women use the term to demean other women. If a woman sees sex as a form of currency and another is giving it away for free, this devaluation is perceived as a threat. Younger women (and younger people in general) tend to view themselves through the lens of their peer group so this female-centric view on promiscuity is especially efficacious. The only men we see using this term are either intimidated by women or holding onto outdated views. Men who seek out ambitious, confident, and exciting women see sex on the first date as natural and a measure of compatibility.  

The majority of late-twenties/early-thirties professional women I asked about who they would have sex with on the first date said the same thing: “I’ll have sex with a man on the first date if I think I could have sex with him again.”  To me this says, “I enjoy sex, I’ll have sex quickly, but it has to be with someone I think is worthy of me.”  Strong, confident men will respect a woman more for being assertive and taking what they what; this confidence implies that the woman is actually more of a challenge and an equal – qualities I look for in both one-offs and relationships.  I want a woman that enjoys using her mind and her body to show me who she is, not one who worries about her image or what someone will think of her. 

Strong men thrive on challenges. Women mistakenly associate giving sex up on the first night as lessening that challenge; in truth I see a woman who takes what she wants and is unapologetic about it as much more of a challenge moving forward. She’s not going to stick around just to appease me or because she can’t do better… so I had better be up to the challenge the morning after.


Cover Image: Le Love