The best part of the après ski scene is the entertainment value.
Talk about a mixed bag of people.
And though some may not even ski at all, they certainly like to drink.
So the next time you hit the après ski bar – this weekend!? – see how quickly you can pick out all the usual suspects…
1. The Beauty Queens
There’s always that one person (or group of friends) who looks more ready for a downtown bar than an après ski joint. They’re over-dressed, with a fresh face of makeup, and a round brush blow-dry that sits perfectly in check – complete with extensions. In short: they look ridiculous and definitely didn’t purchase a ski pass.
2. The Chalet Owners
The local chalet owners may appear down-to-earth in their proper ski attire compared to the beauty queens, but they’re just as busy gossiping about fellow chalet owners and ski club politics as the wannabes who don’t belong there. But hey, we’re not going to hate – maybe we’re just jealous of them and their backyard ski slope.
3. The Local Riffraff
Of course, every ski town has those few locals who either grew up there or arrived as ski bums years ago only to graduate onto becoming full-time booze bums. Regular fixtures on the bar stools, you can tell these folk haven’t zipped up a ski jacket for at least a decade and are more concerned with their favourite beer on tap than the snow and ski conditions. And no, they don’t get tired of telling their life stories to a rotating mix of vacationing skiers who end up on the next barstool.
4. The Band Members’ Girlfriends
The girlfriends of the inevitable “top 40 band” are just as easy to spot as the beauty queens (and no, the two don’t necessarily harmoniously co-exist). More often than not dressed for a rock bar rather than a ski hill, they’re mainly there to ensure that none of the drunk little ski bunnies get to close to their men (and if they’re lucky, for a free hotel room as well).
5. The University Crowd
Speaking of drunk little ski bunnies, there are always those groups of hard-partying university students on the après ski scene – whether it’s spring break or not. This set probably rolled out of bed at noon, hit a couple runs, then got the après ski party started early with a row of tequila shots by 2pm. Of course, that’s why there’s usually a pile of barf in the snow by the time the sun goes down.
6. The Pro Snowboarder Dudes
Once they squeeze their final run in, the semi-pro snowboarding dudes are known to indulge in a few après ski pops – and add to the entertainment value in doing so. They’re just as interested in a lingo-filled account of their day in the park as they are in paying any attention to the ladies around them. They’re most often distinguished by their sun kissed or wind burnt faces, stubble, bedhead, and free-flowing use of the word “bro.”
7. The Newbies and Wannabes
While they deserve major points for trying hard, those new to the slopes or who only get out once every five years are always an easy target. In their mix-matched winter accessories from an assortment of friends’ closets, neon ski suits straight from the 80s, and inability to walk in their ski boots, they’re the butt of cheap jokes among the chalet owners and pros.
8. The Cougars
Married or not, there’s always that group of attractive older females on the après ski scene – and they’re in their finest form. Whether they’re on a girls’ weekend away from their husbands and kids, are part of the said group of chalet owners, or are on a late bloomer-filled bachelorette, these “cougars” are just as wild as the university kids. Their love of the band boys could also be the reason why their girlfriends insist on tagging along for gigs.
9. The Girls and Guys You Want to Marry
Is it just us, or is there something about growing up on the ski hill that produces a wholesome, girl or boy-next-door-quality to young professionals who were once competitive skiers? You know, the type who’s naturally athletic and good looking, probably volunteers at the ski school on the weekends, is always smiling, and is both the “one who got away” and the dream future husband or wife to dozens? Yeah, don’t even think about getting close to this type – they’ll probably just end up marrying each other and producing perfect little babies who are practically born on skis.
All images from: 80s Hot Tub Time Machine