Relationships.
Something we can all relate to.
It doesn’t matter what you do, who you are, or how much money you have; we’ve all had good ones, we’ve all had bad ones…and too often we’re all a mess at dealing with them.
So whether you’ve gone through a lot of them, or you’re still new to the experience, this list will probably hit home – and hopefully bring some positivity into whatever relationship you’re in…
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1. Thinking the other person will change if you try harder/stick around long enough.
Many of us have found ourselves in this situation at some point in our lives. The relationship isn’t going well, but if we just stick around a bit longer we know it’ll all turn around. While it’s worth not walking out at the first sign of trouble, sometimes you just have to admit that things aren’t working. Waiting for someone to change is waiting for someone else to decide on your happiness. Instead of waiting for the other person to change, make the positive change yourself…and leave.
2. Thinking you need to spend 100% of your time together/communicating.
A classic early-in-life mistake we all make, but one that some people seem to carry forward into adult relationships. With the advent of cellphones and instant messaging it has become possible to essentially NEVER have any space from your partner. This is almost always a recipe for disaster. Time to be your own person is one of the most important parts of a relationship. Trust us, if you don’t spend every weekend together, you’ll still have a relationship come Monday.
3. Bringing problems from your ex/last relationship to the new one.
Your new SO is not your old SO. We know, it sounds simple, but baggage from old relationships is one of the most common causes of trouble in new ones. Projecting feelings and thoughts from your old relationship that didn’t work onto a new one is only going to poison it before it has a chance. If you feel like you’re still dealing with trust issues, or something else, maybe stay away from relationships for a while until you can start fresh.
4. Criticizing the other person over unimportant things.
We get it, the way they do some little thing drives you crazy. But small criticisms that buildup over time only inject negativity into a relationship. Think about how you’d feel if someone was criticizing the way you buttered your toast, before you jump to do the same. Constantly undermining your partner, even if it’s insignificant does nothing except create space between you.
5. Losing/neglecting your friends and other relationships.
Again, another throwback from when we all had our first relationship. This new person you’re with might be the GREATEST, but you’ve got other relationships too. Friends and family who have been there for you far longer. Don’t forget them or neglect them. The best relationships are those that share the important people from each respective life. If you’re spending all your time with your SO and avoiding your family and friends, maybe you should take a look at your relationship. There might be a reason why.
6. Losing your sense of self-importance/being self-reliable.
This goes hand in hand with #5. It’s obviously okay to rely on your partner, and definitely even healthy sometimes to have a good intimate support structure. However, allowing yourself to completely depend on the other person can leave you in some really tight spots when things get rough. Never forget the one constant in your life is you.
7. Mistaking physical chemistry for true emotional connection.
We’ve all met that fling (or fling-turned-6-month-relationship) that we have insane physical chemistry with. You can’t keep your hands off of each other and it never seems to change. But when the deed is done, and the hormones subside, the only conversation you have is what kind of food you want to order, before eating and rolling over to go to sleep. Mistaking a physical connection for a strong emotional one can leave you feeling empty and unfulfilled in a relationship you might feel shouldn’t be doing that. Remember, physical attractiveness has a time limit. But an awesome person can be awesome until your final day together.
8. Thinking that loving someone is enough.
The most classic mistake, and the one most of us have made at one time or another. ‘But I love them so much’ should never be used as a justification for a relationship that is making you unhappy. Love is a strange and powerful emotion, and it’s very possible to find yourself deeply in love with a person who treats you poorly. Don’t let it fool you, relationships aren’t just about how much you feel for someone else – but what they make you feel for yourself.
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