51 Reasons Why Having a Personal Life Assistant Would Be Just The Best

You know how sometimes you look at executives asking an assistant to do stuff for them and you think, “Well THAT would be awesome for my life”? 

Well, you’re right. It would be.

And even that’s an understatement; having a life-assistant would be life-changing.

Not only would most of us become superhuman overnight, but we’d save years of cumulative time, inefficient energy, and general hair-pulling and upper-nose-pinching. 

And while the average schmo has access to high-end services like Modern Concierge in Toronto or more affordable PAs throughout the US via Care.com ($10-$25/hr), chances are most of us won’t be burning the cash to sub-contract out the minutia of our lives any time soon.  

So for now, we can aspire and we can dream. Namely, about how glorious life would be if we

1. Never forgot about daylight savings

2. Never had to figure out how to change the time on a f***ing car clock

3. Never forgot to do our laundry / drop off our dry cleaning before a trip or an event

4. Never forgot to pick up dry cleaning after we finally remembered to drop off our dry cleaning

5. Always remembered everyone’s birthday even when we didn’t log into Facebook

6. Remembered everyone’s name without having to awkwardly introduce them to the three people whose names we actually remembered

7. Never realized half-way through the day that our socks / tights had a hole in them

8. Never got tricked into opening a useless marketing letter from our bank because they made the envelope look important

9. Never had to write another generic Birthday/Holiday/Celebration/Thank You card (ya, that sounds terrible, but we know you were thinking it)

10. Always got the cheapest possible flights

11. Were always on time for flights

12. Had someone to blame when we weren’t on time for flights

13. Never answered a call from a telemarketer

14. Never answered a call

15. Had someone check and summarize our voicemails…especially the 2 ½ minute ones from our parents that start with them identifying themselves and providing a fairly concise explanation for the message, but somehow devolve into a prologue for their autobiography and a hypothesis of what we might say when we call them back, only to finish with the redundant instructions to, “Anyway, just call me back”

16. Never had to set up another Facebook Event and spend 43 minutes on invites only to feel like as ass for missing someone

17. Never over-wore our underwear

18. Always had a coffee waiting for us in the morning

19. Never had to use OpenTable or Yelp again

20. Could practice our road-rage rather than our driving

21. Never forgot to buy birth-control

22. Never forgot to take birth-control

23. Never forgot someone was a vegan before we hosted a dinner party

24. Never forgot to respond to an important email

25. Never had to read another excruciating email thread just to reply, “I’m in”

26. Never clicked through on someone’s Facebook post and read an article only to find out it was written by a conspiracy theorist or an 8 year old

27. Had every task, appointment and commitment recorded somewhere

28. Never ran out of ice cream

29. Never had to use an iron

30. Always knew exactly what we owed on a group bill, including tax and tip

31. Were fed a constant stream of gift ideas for upcoming occasions

32. Never forgot to call our parents back because they, and insurance companies, are the only people that still leave voicemails

33. Woke up to a new phone the day after breaking the screen…again

34. Never forgot about construction before we picked a route

35. Never ran out of paper towel or toilet paper

36. Could just say stuff out loud instead of physically packing a suitcase

37. Always had a great soundtrack for what we were doing

38. Never forgot an important thought

39. Never forgot to give someone our business card

40. Never had to go pick up a bottle of wine

41. Never forgot to drink water before going to bed after drinking a bottle of wine

42. Never had to hang something on the wall

43. Had someone to tell people, “They’re not to be disturbed”

44. Never forgot our belt, our headphones or our phone charger

45. Never lost a coat-check ticket

46. Never ran out of date ideas

47. Never forgot to buy Club Soda and Tonic

48. Never got a parking ticket because we left our car illegally parked for literally, like, 2 minutes

49. Always had someone to discreetly hand us a piece of gum

50. Had someone to remind us when we’re acting like an entitled brat

51. Had someone to read us really, really long lists…


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