41 Cringeworthy Pickup Lines We Hope Are Never Used On You

It’s TGIF and that means one thing: going for some well deserved drinks.

Unless, of course, Netflix has completely take over your existence, in which case, you’re lucky you won’t have to deal with being hit on in the most pathetic ways possible. 

‘Cause a night out with your girlfriends usually leads to having to endure at least a few really shitty pick-up lines.

So from the cringeworthy to the just plain cheesy, we scoured the streets and the internet to find out how low men can really go – no pun intended – in order to beat them to the pick-up punch. 

Which resulted in these 41 catastrophes.

Men, take note. Ladies, we’re sure you’ve already had the unfortunate pleasure of hearing at least a few of these before – hopefully, never again. 

Read. Set. Eye-roll.

1. “I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?”

2. “Are you my appendix? I don’t know what you do or how you work but I feel like I should take you out.”

3. “Your eyes are like limpid pools of primordial ooze, and I am the protozoa that wish to swim in their depths.”

4. “Hey baby. I just shit my pants, can I get in yours?”

5. “Hey, I hear your ankles are having a party. You want to invite your pants down?” 


6. “I’ve lost my teddy bear! Can I sleep with you instead?”

7. “Do you work with cement? Because you’re making me hard.”

8. “If you where a transformer you’d be Optimist Fine.”

9. “Your body is a wonderland and I want to be Alice.” 

10. “Nice legs; what time do they open?”


11. “Do you work at Build-A-Bear? Coz I would stuff you.” 

12. “Were you born in the toilet? ‘Cause you’re the shit.”

13. “Hey baby does that shake come with fries?”

14. “Excuse me. I think you have something in your eye. Nope; it’s just a sparkle.”

15. “If you were a booger, I’d pick you first!”


16. “Treat me like a pirate and give me that booty.”

17. “Remember me? Oh, that’s right, I’ve met you only in my dreams.”

18. “Excuse me, but are you from Tennessee? Cause you’re the only TEN – I – SEE…” 

19. “Do you wash your pants with Windex? Because I see myself in ’em.”

20. “Hey I’m looking for treasure , Can I check your chest?”


21. “My doctor told me I’m missing Vitamin U. Can you help me?”

22. “Are you an antiquer? Cause I have some junk that hasn’t been touched in years.”

23. “I’m no astrophysicist but I do believe in Big Bangs.”

24. “Hey girl, is your name Wi-Fi? ‘Cause we have a connection.”

25. “Do you believe in love at first sight…or should I walk around you three or four more times?”


26. “I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition. In my pants.”

27. “Do you work at Subway? ‘Cause you just gave me a foot-long.”

28. “There are 206 bones in the human body. Want another one?”

29. “Can you touch my hand? I want to tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel.”

30. “Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.”  

31. “Can I get a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?”

32. “I hear you’re looking for a stud. Well, I’ve got th STD and all I need is you.”

33. “I may not be the prettiest girl/most handsome guy in here, but I’m the only one talking to you.”

34. “Hey baby, want a raisin? Sorry, none left, Perhaps a date then?”

35. “If you jingle my bells, I’ll promise you a white Christmas.”


36. “If I were a squirrel and you were a squirrel, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?”

37. “I am the force. Close your eyes and feel me flow through you.”

38. “Did you just fart? Because you blow me away!”

39. “Can I wear your thighs for ear muffs?”

40. “I lost my keys. Can I check your pants?”

41. “Was your mother a beaver? ‘Cause damn!”



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