Living with other people is hard.
But living with someone you met on Craigslist? Nearly impossible.
Yet, young professionals do it all the time, trading money saved on rent for reduced personal space and monosyllabic exchanges over their morning cereal. Here of some of the worst things a roommate can do to make communal life a living hell.
1. Let things fester and die in the fridge until they change form and are unrecognizable as their original “food” type. No Mike, that’s definitely no longer cheese.
2. Have extremely loud sex through extremely thin walls – “Give it to me [insert roommate’s name]”, and other similarly intimate snippets overheard during a lodger’s lovemaking, are likely to create levels of discomfort that make eye contact impossible for weeks.
3. Not replace toilet paper when it runs out and assume that it will somehow be magically replenished.
4. …Or delightfully, ask others for assistance when that happens. (i.e asking you to bring them toilet paper…when they’re mid-shit.)
5. Not do the dishes for so long you can barely make out the sink underneath them all.
6. Lose/misplace keys and then throw stones at a fellow roommate’s window to wake them so they can let you in at 1am (on a Tuesday). Brian, you clearly have a drinking problem.
7. Use the shower for WAY too long in the morning – singing power ballads at top volume simultaneously will also never help the cause.
8. Or worse, have long, luxurious baths while everyone is waiting to get into the bathroom (and not rinsing out that scummy line that’s left behind).
9. Not pay rent on time to the roommate lucky enough to be in charge of financial responsibilities. Just set up a standing order, Jessica.
10. Slam the door when leaving – who needs to set an alarm when attempts to swing the door off its hinges at 7.30am wakes you up like clockwork.
11. Bring hook ups and potential girlfriends around, facilitating awkward small talk, when everyone knows full well that you will never see this human being ever again.
12. Leave the heating on high. All. Day. Long – fast forward to a tropical evening spent cooking dinner in your underwear, and heating bills that make you feel like you took a trip to Tahiti (but without the tan).
13. Similarly, leaving the lights on all day is a huge bummer.
14. Leave clothes in the dryer/washer instead of taking them out – particularly awful for those returning from vacation with a suitcase full of laundry.
15. Use the last of the milk and then not replace it – black tea is worse than no tea at all.
16. Sett off the fire alarm in the middle of the night when you “just had to have some toast”. Did you just have to have it burnt?
17. “Whisper” and do comedy tip-toeing (that is actually louder than regular talking and moving) when you come in at 3am.
18. Clip your toe nails in the living room and leaving them on the LIVING ROOM TABLE. Claire, if you’re reading this it’s too late.
19. Borrow another roommate’s phone charger, then close the bedroom door for the night and going to sleep. Don’t worry about me – I’ll just put my phone on power saving mode ALL day tomorrow.
20. Insist that it would be lovely if we all had shared, “family” meals, and then conveniently be out of town whenever it’s someone’s turn to cook.
21. International roommates making loud Skype calls at trans-Atlantic hours – and wandering around the house trying to find better internet signal (hint: you won’t find it directly outside my door).
22. Leave passive aggressive notes around the house that build in crescendo. ‘If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, and I hope you don’t mind, but could you please, pretty please, STOP EATING MY FOOD???’
23. Borrow clothes, aka, taking clothes without asking. And then wear that shirt in front of its owner without blushing.
24. Use someone else’s shampoo, conditioner, or unholiest of unholy, razor. *Shudders*. These are NOT communal items.
25. Have friends and family who outstay their welcome and make everyone else feel uncomfortable in their own home. Yes, hotels are expensive – but Tinder waits for no mom (dad, sister, or brother) to leave town.