Wikipedia calls Instagram an online mobile photo-sharing, video-sharing and social networking service that enables its users to take pictures and videos, and share them on a variety of social networking platforms, such as Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and Flickr.
This is an oversimplification.
Instagram is today’s agency of social status, where the royalty launch business empires on latte art photos and peasants wallow in their inability to achieve a numeric like count (11). It’s the reason some of us get into the club and others don’t, what designates a photo of one’s ass as #inspo rather than simply unnecessary, and the leading cause of FOMO worldwide.
What makes this whole game called Instagram worthwhile is the pursuit of ‘likes’; guessing which combination of filter, framing, tags, caption, upload time and friend association will cause your followers’ thumbs to reflexively double tap. It’s neurotic, narcissistic and meaningless to our existence on earth – and yet, it is everything.
Here’s the thing: no perfect combination of the above will ever yield the same amount of likes as even the most average photo of particular items that adhere to the fundamentals of basic bitch/bro theory. Indeed, a photo of the first person drinking water on Mars cannot compete with one of a Victoria’s Secret angel smiling with a double cheeseburger hashtagged #cheatday.
Here are 24 other items you can upload that will always kill it on Instagram:
1. Bird’s eye view of coffee. But first, an upload on Instagram.
2. Sunday morning. Upload literally anything; tag it #sundays.
Just lying on the floor staring up at my shelves. As you do. #Sundays A photo posted by @lottelikesbooks on
3. A quote about Mondays. Just in case people don’t know what day it is.
4. Significant others. So cute.
❤️❤️ – #Boyfriend #DidntKnowThereWasPictures #Unexpected #LoveHim #MoonAndBack #Smile A photo posted by \\ Jacquelynn Scarry // (@flyingreddun_1997) on
5. Smoothies. Bonus likes for every ingredient that should never be liquified.
Starting the day off right! spinach, coconut/almond milk, banana, orange, strawberries, mango, papaya, pineapple, ice. #healthyeating #healthy #cleaneating #eatclean #foodie #chefintraining #getinmybelly #veggies #delicious #weightloss #lowcal #lowcalorie #foodporn #foodpics #healthyfoodporn #foodforfoodies #yummy #jerf #homemade #lowfat #foodstagram #rawfood #fruits #antioxidants #summer #detox #vegan #vegetarian
6. Nike Roshes. Preferably on your feet, but also suitable on their original box.
A photo posted by Chi Chi Revolver (@chichirevolver) on
7. Peonies. The biggest demographic on Instagram is teenage girls.
8. Lounging by the pool. This shows you’re having a better day than most people.
A photo posted by @vin_tanari on
9. Sushi. Food, shelter, water, sushi.
10. Doing something active. Health is a trend, duh.
A photo posted by Hanna Modig (@hannamodig) on
11. More specifically, yoga. Folding your body in half is appreciable.
Good morning everyone. Just finished my morning meditation and ready for today. This is a busy busy week for me. It’s hard juggling being a wife, mother, teacher, entrepreneur, photographer and … Laundry. Seriously, does anyone else feel like if it wasn’t for laundry you’d have so much more free time? Lol Have an amazing bright day! #laundryproblems #sunrise #lakeworthbeach
12. A sunset. Kills it. Every. Time.
A photo posted by Glacier National Park (@glaciernps) on
13. The wing of a plane. It’s like aviation was just invented last week.
14. Brunch. Kill ’em with FOMO.
A photo posted by Ctrl_Alt_DelEAT (@ctrl_alt_deleat) on
15. Pumpkin Spice Lattes. This’ll work until the world ends.
16. Pets. Better than humans.
A photo posted by @ginny_jrt on
17. Minimal shots. Hell, upload a white screen.
18. DJing. Yup, people still think you’re doing something really awesome.
A photo posted by Top ThreeSix (@top_threesix) on
19. Old cars. Or other great vehicles that aren’t yours.
20. Yourself in fancy clothes. Especially effective for those who never wear fancy clothes.
A photo posted by Killavista Photography & video (@killavista) on
21. Fast food. You don’t even have to eat it!
22. Palm trees. Do this mid-February.
A photo posted by firstname.lastname@example.org (@mattcrump) on
23. A photo that reveals your proximity to a celebrity. Preferably with their acknowledgment of your existence.
24. Avocados. They’ve got this colour that just screams “like me.”
A photo posted by Alyssa Davis (@lyss_dav19) on