21 Things Canadians Can Brag to Americans About

To mark Canada Day, here are 21 things we have over Americans…

We live to see more. 
Canadians live an average of three years longer than Americans, with the life expectancy in our home and native land 82 years versus 79 in the US. Here’s to three extra years, Canada! 

We’re sweeter. 
Not only are Canadians known for being super nice, we also complete our pancakes with some damn good Canadian maple syrup straight from the source. And, sorry, we’re not “sorry” about that. 

Our Ryans are hotter. 
Ryan Gosling and Ryan Reynolds are both born-and-bred Canadian boys. Sure, Ryan Phillippe is pretty hot… but the other two are actually on fire both look-wise and career-wise. 

Our money is better. 
Toonies and loonies may weigh down our wallets, but at least our currency doesn’t all look the same. All it takes is one too many vodka sodas to give your cab driver a $100 instead of a $10.

Our side of the Falls. Period. 
Though the American side of Niagara Falls may entice with better outlet malls, everyone knows that the Canadian side is way more Instagram-worthy than the US side.

Our university tuition doesn’t give us anxiety. 
We’ll stress less about sending our future kids to university thanks to lower tuition costs. In 2012-2013, the average undergrad student in Canada paid $5,581 in university tuition fees. The average cost of tuition and fees in the US was $30,094 at private colleges, $8893 for state residents at public colleges, and $22,203 for out-of-state-attending public colleges in 2013-2014.  

Our hangovers taste better. 
Everyone knows that Bloody Caesars are better than Bloody Marys. But in the US, you don’t even have the option of a Caesar – or glass of Clamato juice for that matter. This, of course, means that we Canadians have better Sunday hangover brunches.

We’re funnier. 
It’s no coincidence that some of the funniest actors of all time are Canadian. Who are we referring to? John Candy, Mike Myers, Jim Carrey, Eugene Levy, Dan Ackroyd, Catherine O’Hara, Seth Rogan, Russell Peters and Michael Cera. That’s a lot of LOLs. 

We have better summer road trip options. 
We have ample cottage country to make our summers that much better. Canada has three million lakes – that’s more than any other country. Ontario’s Muskoka was voted the number one travel destination in the world by National Geographic Traveler.

Our fast chicken is better. 
Seriously, who doesn’t love Swiss Chalet? It’s made even better when delivered to your door or stumbled upon along Canadian highways during road trips. We’re kind of craving a quarter chicken meal right now…

We breathe better air. 
With the third best air quality in the world, Canadians breathe a little easier than Americans. The US averages 18 micrograms of particulate matter per cubic metre of air and we average only 13 micrograms. Inhale that! 

Our musicians are just as great and famous. 
Now more so that ever, Canada pumps out some of the world’s top musicians. This means names like Michael Buble, Drake, Feist, Deadmau5, Shania Twain, Metric, Carly Rae Jepsen, Diana Krall, Arcade Fire, Tegan and Sara and Avril Lavigne. Fine, Nickelback and Justin Bieber as well. 

Our maternity leave is long enough to make us want kids. 
In Canada, women can take a year for maternity leave, whereas the American woman gets 12 weeks unpaid. Anyone who’s pushed out something the size of a watermelon, has become reduced to a sleepless feeding source, and has kissed her immediate party days away deserves more than three damn months off. 

Our astronauts are cooler. 
Our astronauts are a little more social than their American counterparts. Our very own Chris Hadfield has become a household name worldwide thanks to his ability to engage over a million people over social media (more than any other astronaut). 

We’re happier. 
Canadians are more satisfied with their lives. According to the Better Life Index, we enjoy a higher level of life satisfaction, scoring a 7.4/10, while the US scores a 7/10. What is this ‘America Dream’ you speak of?

We invented poutine.
Few things are as satisfying as a fully loaded, steaming hot poutine. And it’s 100 per cent Canadian. A poutine from one of the country’s ever-growing gourmet poutine places is made all the better when topped with Canadian bacon (as opposed to “Canadian-style bacon” in the US).

Our bodies are better. 
Despite all the poutine, this summer we’re more bathing suit-ready than our friends in the US. Not that this is anything to be elated about, but in Canada, 1 in 4 adults are obese (or one quarter), while 1 in 3 (or one-third) of American adults are obese. 

Our healthcare makes being sick better.
It’s pretty straightforward: Canada’s healthcare is better than that of the US because it’s free and fully accessible for every taxpayer. We also know how to get the biggest bang for our buck, with a system known to do more for less. While the US spends 16 per cent of its GDP on healthcare, Canada only spends 10 per cent (yet we still have lower infant mortality rate and higher life expectancy). 

We’re better at hockey.
Remember when the Canadian Men defeated the American team at the Vancouver 2010 Olympic Games? That, of course, was in addition to the other nine Olympic gold medals achieved by the Canadian Men’s Hockey Team, including Sochi 2014. The ladies also kill it on own turf and when they cross the Atlantic, with their own gold medal win (against the US) at Sochi. Oh, and maybe you’ve heard of Wayne Gretzky and Sidney Crosby?

Our film festival is better.
Each September, Hollywood hits Toronto for the coveted Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF). TIFF is recognized as the most important film festival after Cannes and is a launching pad for cinema. 

We’re more gay-friendly. 
When asked whether they accept homosexuality, 80 per cent of Canadians said yes, while only 60 per cent of Americans said yes. Yes, still. 

Need we say more? The next time one of your American friends mocks your “eh” or “sorry” you can fire back with ample material. Did we mention that we also invented the Hawaiian pizza? 

Happy Canada Day! 


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Cover Image: weheartit.com