How do you reward people who’ve waited 22 years for something to happen?
If you’re Major League Baseball, you schedule the first two Blue Jays playoff games in over two decades on a Thursday and Friday afternoon, when most people are expected to be at work. You know, earning money to pay for baseball tickets. Savages!
Well, guess what? Sometimes sports are more important than work. And this is one of those times.
So what you’re going to do is Ferris Bueller your way to the Skydome this Thursday and Friday by dropping one of these bombs on your boss between now and a day that still falls within the timeframe of “reasonable notice.”
So either this afternoon, tomorrow, or Thursday morning…
1. Just go to the damn game. Tell your boss R.A. Dickey said it’s OK.
2. You got hit by a car. Sure, it’s an aggressive suggestion, but no one’s going to call you on it. And if they do, do you really want to work with them anyway?
3. Your best friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend just broke up with them. A day before he or she planned to propose. You HAVE to be there for them.
4. Food poisoning. A river flows through your body in opposing directions – in case anyone asks for details, which they won’t.
5. Bring up a snow day from last year that you didn’t take. Hell, bring one up for elementary school.
6. It’s unpatriotic not to go. Hey boss, you’re either with us or against us.
7. It’s a fantastic networking opportunity. 54,000 people all under one roof.
8. It’s a team-building morale booster. Why not bring the whole office?
9. It’s been 22 years since the Jays made the playoffs. And one day since you’ve had to work.
10. Bring up the story of the Ottawa judge who excused a guy from jury duty because he had tickets. He was supposed to sit on the jury for a first-degree murder trial.
11. Your dog ate a Jose Bautista bobblehead. The pet sympathy card never fails.
12. Personal reasons. The reasons are personal. End of story.
13. ‘Women’ problems. If you have a male boss they will cower in fear and let you do whatever you want. If you have a female boss, pray your cycles aren’t aligned.
14. Say you’re taking a sick day. Easy as.
15. Drug overdose/addiction. Wise move if you’re looking for an extended leave, the kind that’ll cover until the World Series final.
16. Take a half day. The half you’re missing would have just been spent on Facebook anyway.
17. Claim ineffectiveness. Your mind will be at the ballgame come first pitch anyway – whether you’re there or not.
Anyway, your boss will obviously know you’re lying. And is it even worth going if you can’t Instagram your attendance?
We suggest just going with option one and praying you have a job on Monday…