You swear you’re going to delete your Facebook account if you see another engagement announcement, baby album or series of duck-lipped selfies. For good this time.
Facebook’s such old news anyway, right?
Then why can’t you bring yourself to delete that account?
We can give you 16 reasons why:
1. You’ll miss out on watching your out-of-town nieces and nephews grow up.
Be honest, if you didn’t have your Facebook account, you would almost forget that your cousin across the country has three kids (not two), let alone their names or how old they are.
2. Not everyone you know(ish) would get to see how cute your future kids are.
Fine, the ample baby and kid pictures are pretty annoying, especially for the singles, late bloomers and childless. But some of those kids are actually pretty damn cute. And your future kids will likely be cute. And if all your friends can show off their kids for years, then…
3. Your mom (and even grandparents, at this point) would be devastated.
Your parents joined in the past few years to rediscover long lost friends— but also to keep tabs on you. Even if they live in different countries, Facebook lets your parents know where you are at all times, who you’re dating, and how healthy you look.
4. How will you ever perfect that selfie if you don’t have comparative results to work with?
Thanks to Facebook and Instagram, we are all better in tune with our “best sides,” angles and even which haircuts and makeup looks best on us.
5. It has become your own curated news source almost as much as Twitter (but is so much less committal than a Twitter account).
You’ve already ‘liked and followed’ all those figures, shows and shops on Facebook… and you still kind of ‘like’ them. Your Facebook newsfeed has become as much a valuable news source as your city newspaper, news site or morning show – even though it never should be seen as such.
6. You need to keep tabs on that frenemy.
Because it’s always important to know what’s going on in their lives. And you know that’s true.
7. You may (really randomly and probably not, of course) feel the need to check in with your ex without calling, texting or emailing.
Yeah, he or she is so two years ago, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not generally curious about what they’re up to or want to know that they’re doing OK in general. Facebook spares you the awkward drunken text or email to get the details. You have all the answers you need, thanks.
8. You would forget your friends’ and colleagues’ birthdays.
How many times have you forgotten a friend’s birthday because they weren’t on Facebook or didn’t have their birthdays listed? Point proven.
9. You need to promote yourself or your business.
A company’s social media page is just as important (if not more important) as a website. So, where are you going? If you forget to use your personal page, you won’t effectively manage your professional page.
10. Even if you don’t have that business now, you may soon.
Meaning, when the time finally comes to launch, you can make a status update to all the “friends” you accumulated over the past (almost) decade to announce it.
11. You can creep people you don’t know.
If you didn’t have a Facebook account to log into, you couldn’t creep the only semi-private profiles of professional contacts, your ex’s new girlfriend, or that sexy stranger you’ve heard about but never met in person.
12. You still look kinda look good, so…
It would be one thing if you were middle-aged and using the medium to relive your youth. But you’re still kind of cute and fit… so why not post it while you got it?
13. Sometimes you get bored.
And lazy. And what better way to waste hours away than creeping, taking/deleting/posting multiple “effortless” selfies and by watching those hilarious videos that one guy always so reliably posts? You already watch too much TV anyway…
14. It makes it easy to see how far you’ve come – both looks-wise and career-wise – since you joined in ’06 or ’07.
The best thing about Facebook is that it serves as a personal photo album and scrapbook documenting the good, bad and ugly of your life, hair, wardrobe and opinions since you were a ripe young thing. And if you do say so yourself, you’ve come a long way… and appreciate the reminder from time to time.
15. No matter how much you hate posting, you kinda get a rush out of ‘likes’.
Admit it, each ‘like’ on a well-crafted post or perfectly positioned gourmet poutine shot is taken as a personal compliment to you. And it’s slightly adrenaline-pumping when they really start to accumulate with each and every red notification.
16. You’re too vain.
You probably think this whole thing is about you. Ok, fine, bad joke. But come on, are you really going to go and delete yourself in all your glory?
Still want to delete that account? Go ahead, we dare you…