The Merriam Webster online dictionary defines ‘snob’ as “one who blatantly imitates, fawningly admires, or vulgarly seeks association with those regarded as social superiors; one who tends to rebuff, avoid, or ignore those regarded as inferior; one who has an offensive air of superiority in matters of knowledge or taste.” Hmmm….does it sound like anyone you know? As savvy, connected young professionals (YPs), most of us admittedly tend to seek the best, most exciting and least “status quo” option when it comes to our lives. It is one thing, however, to pride yourself in your refined taste and sense of culture you have acquired via living and succeeding in your city, and perhaps to even in dabble in snobbery from time to time, but another to be a total arrogant snob altogether. Are you a snob?
1. If ever (God forbid) on the subway during rush hour, judging from the look on your face, a fellow public transit rider (you shudder at the term) would think that you had just downed a litre of milk that had been sitting outside in sweltering temperatures for weeks.
2. You take a good, Inspector Gadget-esque look around the street and sidewalk before darting into a fast food “restaurant” when the craving strikes, because there is no way someone you know could possibly bare witness. You repeat the whole spectacle on the way out.
3. You would rather spend your hard-earned dollars on a town car to drive you to events (even when you are not drinking) or meetings than to pull up to valet in a car that doesn’t boast a high-end, luxury logo.
4. The first thing you notice about a potential love interest isn’t his or her killer smile, great teeth or piercing eyes; it is his or her shoes, belts, handbags or briefcases and jewellery. Oh, and who he or she is with, obviously.
5. Money can, does and will buy you happiness, just like it did on the weekend when you cured your (champagne) hangover with a shopping trip, a $100 brunch, and an unnecessary full-service car wash or manicure for good measure.
6. Your social media page is filled with all those pictures that clearly and glaringly convey your life (real or perceived) of luxury, flooded with pictures of you and yours at the hottest restaurants (not your shameless hole in the wall go-to), at luxury 5-star hotels (not that family camping trip you were guilt-tripped into), and yourself, in all your glory, dressed to the nines in thousands on dollars worth of clothing and jewellery.
7. You wouldn’t bring certain friends around other friends because you don’t feel like they would “fit in” or mesh well together.
8. You would choose an invitation to a glamourous event at a 5-star hotel over catching up with childhood friends at a local pub any day, even if it meant breaking pre-existing plans. You think to yourself, they will always be there; this event and chance to wear that new dress won’t, instead of vice versa.
9. You would rather live in a shoebox-sized unit in the swankiest neighbourhood in your city, in one of the hottest buildings (draining your bank account while you do so) than in a larger place, within your means in a modest neighbourhood. Who cares if you can’t afford to fill the fridge? Makes you all the skinnier.
10. You get anxious if there is no attendant in the bathroom while out on a night on the town; what if you need a splash of fragrance, gum, hairspray or a sugar fix?!
11. You know what the term “GP” means, use it in your daily vocabulary and avoid GP-frequented places at all costs. (FYI, GP = general public).
12. You wouldn’t set foot in certain neighbourhoods, establishments, or discount stores under any circumstance. Well, maybe in disguise.
13. You boldly exclaim that certain duties and life tasks are not within your job or life description. You don’t cook, do yard work, shovel snow, clean your own windows or wash your own car. Why would you? You’re too busy and you’d rather pay someone else to do it for you.
14. You wouldn’t live in a city that didn’t have a Whole Foods grocery store; chain grocery stores are way too mainstream (and GP-filled) and probably packed with sub-quality food (that the GP eats).
15. You are reading this from the latest Apple laptop, with your iPad within a metre away, listening to your brand new iPod (even though there was nothing wrong with your old one aside from that scratch you couldn’t get past), with your two smartphones (perhaps a Blackberry for work/emails and an iPhone or android for personal) charging in the corner.
If you found yourself nodding your well-groomed head to more of these than not, you may want to re-consider your behaviour, or at least reserve it for when you are in the company of fellow snobs. In this day and age, young professionals have increasingly little tolerance for the snobs among us and there is no worse energy than that of a soul-sucking snob.