“The saddest thing I can imagine is to get used to luxury.”
Charlie Chaplin said that.
In many ways, he’s got a point. Persistent expectations of privilege and indulgence are often counterproductive to a sense of well-being. They’re also a little insensitive to the millions of people out there who can’t even afford a mortgage on a sleeping bag.
That being said, sometimes, the struggle is real.
There are lots of “everyday” basic luxuries that, at first, seem like small wins. But after they’ve nudged you over the goal line of relief, cutting them from the roster feels like a pretty big loss.
They might cost you a few extra pennies but man, are they worth all of them…
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King-Sized Bed
I have owned a King-sized bed now for 5 years. I shared a Queen-size with someone a few weeks ago and now I know how lobsters feel at supermarkets. I should be able to comfortably have breakfast in bed. With 6 of my friends. The always-critical sleep game changes entirely when no matter how many people are in your bed, you forget they’re there. Romantic? No. True? Absolutely.
Seat Heaters (in a car)
#WinterProblems. Everyone knows how pleasant it is to have a warm ass. But where you really find the glory is the lower back heat.
Uber
Uber isn’t so much a luxury as the alternatives are unnecessary torture. Either way, because of this service, most of us now have a full-blown allergy to “cabs”. Ew, just saying the word…
Nice Sunglasses
Sunglasses aren’t just for hiding hangovers and staring at people without moving your head. Not only will a good pair guard your peepers from the sun but they’ll also improve your vision. The junkers just darken everything while expensive lenses make everything crisp and distinct. That being said, after losing/breaking a few pairs of the big-names, don’t be surprised if the reverse effect kicks in and you start buying them in bulk at the dollar store.
Good Wine
Skeptics need to put a cork in it. If you pay attention when you drink it and you drink it often, you can absolutely tell the purple sewer drank from the admirable vino. Once you get to that point, chances are you’ll lean towards the nicer stuff. It’s not that you can’t enjoy some affordable table wine with a mouth full of Boursin and beef, but once you get on the good grape, it’s tough to reach for the Welch’s.
Electric Toothbrush
Paying someone to brush your teeth for you is probably a bit of a stretch. Probably. These things, however, are the next best thing and they’re not even “expensive” anymore. It’s like putting your mouth through a tiny carwash; just throw it in neutral and let the machines do their thing. Come to think of it, someone really needs to make a toothbrush version of the Roomba…
Maid / Cleaning Service
Part of me hates this concept, because, you know, clean up your s*it. However, few things compare to the joy and relief you experience when you leave your place looking like Scott Disick’s hotel room, and come home to tubs, counters, and floors that would make Mary Poppins get naked and breakdance. Don’t make a habit of making a mess, but a quarterly cleaning crew is a few hundred bucks few of us will ever regret.
High-End Athletic Underwear
Athletic gear is about mobility, it’s about comfort, it’s about style and it’s about performance. But mostly, it’s about your junk. There is athletic underwear out there that makes a trip to the gym feel like an afternoon at a shady massage parlour. But one of the well-lit ones where they smile a lot and give you extra towels.
Hot Tub
Especially when you live in a place that has winter. You might think you’ll never use it, but you will. And so will other people. And then things will get weird. And you’ll never be happier.
Real Cocktails
Once you really dip into the world of proper, creative cocktails, it isn’t long before you start feeling a little rusty ordering bar-rail and soda from the gun. If you’re any bit the foodie, it’s also tough to not crave the artistic merits of a unique, well-composed drink. Plus, the pricetag is a gift compared to some of the agonizingly pretentious names these Prima donna mixologists give their cocktails; Harriet’s Favourite Umbrella, A Simple Man, Absinthee Parent. Self-publish a poetry journal already.
A Top-Notch Pillow
You could spend twelve dollars on some lumpy pouch of synthetic rat fur and feel like someone used your neck as a cello for eight hours. Or you could spring a few bills for a legit pillow with some science behind it and feel like an angel was petting your head while you slept. Not in a creepy way. Ok, maybe in kind of a creepy way, but whatever, you were asleep anyway and now you can check your blind spots without rotating your hips.
Hard-Core Cutting Knives
Cooking and chopping with mediocre knives is manageable until you realize that an amazing set of blades makes the dullards feel like you’re shaving with a spork. It carves out a big chunk of change up front, but treat them right and they’ll stick with you for life.
Amazon Prime
Think of it this way: you’re spending $100 a year to lease your own teleporter, and it works with everything from canned meat and Batman earrings to selfie sticks and diapers. Not that you’d need to order those all at once…
Fridge Ice & Water Dispenser
It’s not like unlimited access to fresh water isn’t good enough given the current state of the planet. I’m very grateful for that. But never having to refill trays or Britas and never having to even put the ice in the water because it’s always the perfect temperature? All from the same magical box that brought you 4-day leftover pizza and recorked wine bottles?? Hard to let that one go…
Lightning-Fast Internet
There’s “Ya, I can stream stuff” fast and then there’s “I forget what ‘loading’ means” fast. Once you get a taste of that extra horsepower, it’s likely you’ll be stuck with the need for speed. Hell, imagine how much more stuff you could read on Notable…
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