We get it – winter is hard for everyone.
(After all, Seasonal Affective Disorder is called SAD for a reason.)
But you know who it’s less hard for? You.
If you’re reading this it means you have access to the Internet, which means you probably also have any other number of survival items alongside you like heat, water, food, and Netflix.
So the next time you’re about to let slip one of these gems in public, maybe keep it inside instead…
1. The Heated Seats in My Car are Broken
Not the heat in your car – the heated seats. Which means from now on you won’t be able to feel like you have to pee unless you actually have to.
2. I Can’t Show Off My Mani/Pedi
Talk about hidden fees.
3. My Skin is Dry
This is not a real problem. There are entire store aisles dedicated to helping you deal with this issue.
4. Pumpkin Spice Latte Season is Over
Ordering at Starbucks suddenly became hard again.
5. I Hate That I Can’t Enjoy Ice Cream Right Now
Okay, this one might actually be real. How can we eat our feelings without our favourite tub?
6. It’s Really Cold Outside Today
In case you’re new here, YOU LIVE IN CANADA.
7. I Wish My Toque Didn’t Mess Up My Hair So Much
You can’t win them all. Actually, staying warm (aka: surviving) when it’s freezing outside is winning, no?
8. These Shoes Aren’t Good on Ice
That’s cause they’re not boots. Buy boots.
9. Am I That Pasty in Real Life?
Yes, you are. But luckily, everyone looks tanned next to snow.
10. I Actually Want to Pop My Collar for Warmth But I’ll Look Like a Douchebag
The age-old question of to douche or not to douche…
11. It’s Too Cold to Go Grocery Shopping So I HAVE to Order in
Poor you. Seriously, take-out is not as cheap as it used to be.
12. My Fingers Freeze Whenever I Try and Check My Instagram Feed
While you’re stuck standing outside you are missing the best pictures of winter right now.
13. It’s Impossible to Get a Cab
Are you sure this has anything to do with winter and that, you know, it’s not just ALWAYS impossible to get a cab…
14. The Toilet Seat is Too Cold
Shut up and pee in your heated bathroom with running water, working plumbing, and stacks of magazines that you could literally burn for fuel and warmth if you ever needed to.
#NOTABLE
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