13 Times When the Answer Was Already in the Question

In a recently replayed episode of the American Life podcast, called Invisible Made Visible, writer David Rakoff spoke of questions in life whereby the very uttering of them can be their own undoing.

Despite the question containing the very answer that we’re seeking, we ask them again and again on a daily basis.

So, are we talking in rhymes and rhetoric? Are we desperately hoping for a different outcome? Or do we just love the sound of our own voices?

It got us thinking about all the questions we ask that already contain the answer we were looking for. Here are 13 of them…

Are you breaking up with me?
If you have to ask, it’s safe to assume that the pair of you aren’t exactly on the same page. “Is that my stuff in a box?” is yet another question you needn’t bother asking.

Am I being fired?
Does your boss normally invite you in for a routine chat about cutbacks and downsizing?

Is this a date?
*said incredulously from the inside of a Tim Horton’s.
Zero points for romance if you have to question whether this meeting is non-platonic or not, and chances are the question didn’t arise if the two of you were hitting it off.

Did he just say that I think he did?
Unfortunately, 99.9 per cent of the time he did say exactly that, and no amount of rubbing one’s eyes in disbelief is about to change things.

Did we really drink ALL that wine?
If that feeling of nausea and pummeling headache around your temples is anything to go by, then yes, yes you did.

Did I do karaoke last night?
If you wake up with Gloria Gaynor’s ‘I Will Survive’ stuck in your head, odds are good that you murdered the disco classic in some grimy bar last night. The same goes for other vague memories tormenting a hungover you. Yes, you fell over, and more than likely you also danced provocatively with Bob from accounts – don’t feel you have to voice all of these uncertainties.

Is this bill right?
Come to think of it, that bread for the table wasn’t complimentary, nor were the eight cocktails you told your server to “keep coming.”

Is she really wearing that?
Barring an overdue eye exam, you know damn well she is. Haters gon’ hate, but the lady in question is just going to have to shake this one off.

Are we there yet?
Yes, you’re there – providing by ‘there’ you mean in the middle of the highway more than one hundred miles away from your chosen destination.

Did you leave the toilet seat up?
If I said it was somebody other than myself, when we don’t share our apartment with another human being, would that concern you any less?

Are you still awake?
I am now, bigmouth.