How’s this for a CV:
Beauty pageant contestant manager. Clothing proprietor. Inventor of the ‘Bro’ and ‘Manssiere’. Calvin Klein underwear model and perfumer. Actor in a Woody Allen movie. Author of the Regis and Kathy Lee-acclaimed The Coffee Table Book of Coffee Tables. Professional medical experience as Dr. Martin van Nostrand.
And that’s just the first page.
It’s safe to say serial entrepreneur and committed student of life, Cosmo Kramer knows a thing or two about business. So while Jerry, Elaine, George, and greater society as a whole may have met his genius with arrogant dismissal, we discovered profound value in the Assman’s 9 years of shoptalk.
1. “Without rules, Jerry, there’s chaos.”
Never dive into a venture without a proper business plan. You can bet Kramerika Industries is built on a solid foundation of rules and regulations.
2. “Just a little place I call we’ll see.”
Of course, sometimes intuition is your best guiding principle.
3. “You know, Darren, if you would have told me 25 years ago that some day I’d be standing here about to solve the world’s energy problems, I would’ve said you’re crazy… now let’s push this giant ball of oil out the window.”
Never underestimate your ability and always believe in your potential.
4. “You think people will still be using napkins in the year 2000? Or is this mouth vacuum thing for real?”
Innovation is key for any successful business in the digital age – stay on top of current trends and always forecast what’ll be hot in the future.
5. “Serenity now, Jerry. Serenity now”
Rough day at the office? A few calming words are a sensible alternative to drowning your sorrows in a bottle of Hennigan’s.
6. “What do you think Junior? You think these hands – they’ve been soaking in Ivory Liquid?”
Don’t be afraid to make your authority felt. Preferably non-violently.
7. “He’s not a Nazi. He just happens to be a little eccentric. Most geniuses are.”
How many times has the smartest guy in the room also been the most odd? Don’t write anyone off just because they give off a few hipster doofus vibes.
8. “Oh, now, come on. Look at these boys. If they were any more Cuban, Castro would’ve smoked them himself.”
Don’t invite the opportunity for anyone’s next question to be, “We’re talking about people, right?” Respect for colleagues goes a long way – Dennis Castro would agree if he were real.
9. “I don’t care about where you come from, how you got here, or what happened to your homes.”
Not everyone can translate their best qualities on to a resume, so always give people the chance to prove their worth.
10. “That television you watch, the sake you drink, even that kimono you wear… where do you think all your dollars are going, Jerry? That’s right… the Japanese!”
There’s a lot to be said for keeping business local and forgoing the urge to outsource work. Though we’d never turn down an expertly mixed sake cocktail…
11. “Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?”
Nothing like a little motivational speech to rally the office every now and then.
12. “You’re as pretty as any of them. You just need a nose job.”
Direct, honest discourse is always the best form of communication.
13. You know what they say, “You don’t sell the steak, you sell the sizzle!”
Identify key selling points of your business and start building the hype – just make sure you have the substance to back up the sizzle.
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