11 Things You Bragged About as a Kid That You Can’t Brag About as an Adult

There are some things that will never get old – slip n’ slides, PB&Js, and dressing up for Halloween.

But others, once considered cool, have now faded with the passage of time.

Like not reading for example.

You were pretty cool back in the day if you dissed books and ditched them for TV. Now, no one wants to date someone who proudly proclaims, ‘I never read’.

With that in mind, here are 11 more examples of things you used to be able to brag about but shouldn’t ever consider sharing now…

HOW MUCH YOU DRINK

Then: Sure, when you were 15 everyone was impressed that you could down a Mickey and not pass out.

Now: Adults have another word for that.

I’ve had 6 whiskeys and it’s not even noon SOMEBODY LOVE ME


SLEEPOVERS

Then: Staying at someone’s house was always super cool when you were a kid. You got to stay up late, talk secrets, and do it all largely unsupervised.

Now: Crashing at someone else’s house is likely the last thing you’re going to want to bring up at the office the next day when you look extra tired. And no, we’re not talking about you people in relationships.

Can you imagine being THIS close to 4 other people at once.


CLUBBING

Then: When this was still an acceptable word to use you were hopefully too young to legally be in da club, hence, why it was cool to tell people you were.

Now: Just try dropping “I went clubbing” into a sentence the next time someone asks what you did on the weekend. Go ahead. Oh, and please film their reaction for us.

No amount of sequins and sparkles can fix this.


YOUR DAD BEING ABLE TO BEAT UP SOMEONE ELSE’S DAD

Then: This was a clear argument win. Every. Single. Time.

Now: No one wants to picture two old men fighting. It’s sad. And they could slip and break a hip.

“I love these fights Steve, they double as my cardio”


HICKEYS

Then: You would stick a vacuum on your neck to get one.

Now: If someone kisses your neck for more than two seconds you rip them off like they’re Dracula.

“If you try to give me a hickey I will bite you”


BEING “RANDOM”
Then
: Oh man, you were just so random. And it was so, so cool. You told time by refusing to wear a watch and looking at the sun instead? So classically random of you.

Now: Random means other adults can’t trust you. Try relying on the sun to get you to a big meeting on time.

It’s a math joke.


LOVING GARDEN STATE

Then: Zach Braff just got you, man. And wasn’t Natalie Portman just perfect?

Now: Let us never speak of this again.

Remember when this just made sense?


YOUR SMALL PHONE
Then
: The smallest cell-phone on the market was the only option.

Now: If you don’t have a phone the size of a tablet sticking out of your pocket (cause it obviously won’t fit in) you’re losing the game of life.

I need to call and find out when that eu-goo-gly is I have to give.

 

HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU’VE SLEPT WITH

Then: Maybe as a 16-year-old this was cool. And you were probably lying anyway so what did it matter.

Now: Don’t ever tell anyone this. Ever. Not even if they tell you they love you and it doesn’t matter – it always matters.

I IMMEDIATELY REGRET ASKING.


NOT TRYING

Then: Holy sh*t, you didn’t even try to do well on that math test? You madam, are a genius.

Now: What do you mean you didn’t even try to do well in this meeting? Seriously, what does that mean. You know you’re literally paid to try, right?

Hey guys look how cool I am! Hey! Guys!…Guys?


ALL-NIGHTERS

Then: This was basically the coolest possible thing you were capable of.

Now: If you tell people you did this they will pity you.