Most young professionals would like to think they’re past the point of “looking cool” to impress others.
Yet here we are, engulfed in habits that serve no purpose other than to reflect a fake version of ourselves that we think will project a more favourable image to our peers.
Well, guess what? Most people can see right through it. Here are 11 things people do to look cool but actually make them look really dumb instead…
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Pretend to know wine.
Just sniff, swirl, and shut up. No chance in hell you picked up on the blueberry patch that cross-pollinated with the vines of your Rosé.
Oh yeah, it totally smells like alcohol.
Humblebrag.
There’s essentially no difference between posting a status that says “Three weeks of sunshine on my yacht in the French Riviera has me so burnt out that I could use another vacation!” and “I have a higher-paying job with longer vacation time and vastly superior holiday options than you lol.”
Ugh, my Mercedes is SO expensive to fix.
Fake text people when they’re alone at an event.
You know what’ll make you way cooler than standing in a corner alone pretending to text your friends at a party – which is painfully obvious, by the way – being comfortable with riding solo and fostering new relationships.
My only real friend is the internet.
Say they’re depressed.
Look, depression is a clinical diagnosis, not a recreational one you give yourself when you’re in a slump. It’s a serious struggle for many people in the world – learn to understand the difference between being sad you lost again at Roll Up the Rim to Win and the need to see a doctor.
There’s no joke here. Depression is a serious thing. Just Stop.
Claim they can’t function without coffee.
We hear this so often that one could assume Canada would have the economy of a third world country if we were all of a sudden denied access to coffee. We’ve all read the Tumblr quotes and snoozy animal memes. Let’s move on.
OMG I would LITERALLY die without Coffee!!! (We can only hope).
Make it immediately clear that you smoke weed.
Tell me more about how badass you are for doing things that are pretty much legal and everyone does anyway.
Hey guys. Guys, I’m cool. GUYS??
Get a fake septum piercing.
Most things Rihanna does really aren’t that cool – this is one of them. There’s a reason adults don’t sport ‘just add water’ tattoos… part of the ‘cool’ factor is committing to something most people wouldn’t do.
If I close my eyes I can pretend I live in a world where I make good life choices.
Complaining about temperatures that are normal for this time of year.
Is it -40 in August? 30 degrees in January? It isn’t, is it? Flamboyantly expressing how hot you are in the summer or griping about the cold in winter is mindnumbingly unprofound.
Trust us, there’s a lot of other temperatures it could be that are a LOT worse.
Pose with thousands in foreign currency.
Would you ever strike a gangster pose with two Canadian 20s and a 10? Because that’s essentially what you’re doing when you flash 5,000 Yen in your Tokyo hotel room.
Do we even have to say anything?
Play loud music in public.
Most people probably don’t like what you’re listening to. When was the last time you were just dying to know the playlist of the guy who blasted music from his bluetooth speaker on the subway?
Everyone is gonna think I’m SO cool when I start playing Mumford and Sons on the subway.
Get offended at trivialities to reflect “awareness.”
In our super sensitive society, it’s become fashionable to get offended at things just for the sake of it. Doing so out of principle to showcase your superior social or cultural awareness/sensitivity is about as offensive as things that actually cause offense.
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