We don’t want to sound ungrateful.
It’s a valuable experience to just have someone serve you a meal while you sit effortlessly, drink wine, and recite lines from Zoolander with your friends.
But at the same time, a tip is called a “tip” for a reason, and it can feel rather taxing to dish out performance bonuses for relatively mediocre performances.
So here are a few things servers can also bring to the table that will make the whole experience easier to swallow…
1. Actually Know the Entire Menu
Yes, the entire thing. That’s part of the gig. Of course there’s a few days’ grace with a new menu but if we ask a question about the ______ and you look like we just recited string theory, something ain’t right.
2. Don’t Act Miserable or Too Cool
Sorry, hipsters. We know this is central to many of your business plans, but it’s unacceptable. A lot of us hate our jobs too but we’d never make it obvious while you’re trying to relax and enjoy a meal. For all intents and purposes, you’re as much an actor as you are a server.
3. Know What Wines Pair Best
This has huge added value. In general, when enlisting a company’s services, we are expecting to pay for expertise we probably don’t have. That holds true for restaurants and recommendations on what will make our meal taste that much better.
4. Answer Questions Honestly and Directly
If you were given a test in school and the only question on that test was, “Which thing is more popular?” you would fail if you wrote, “They’re both popular.” Just consider the facts available to you, take a stab at it, and don’t hesitate to throw in your opinion. Yes, we know the lobster bisque is “very different” from the beet salad; now please answer the question.
5. Don’t Try to Upsell an Obvious Item
We know you’re just trying to make a buck, but we’re not buying a fridge at The Brick. We looked, we asked, we considered, we ordered. If we end up regretting our decision to not get the truffled mashed potatoes, we’ll live with it over some ice cream when we get home.
6. Interact Like a Person, Not a Robot
Let that sunny personality shine through. If we ask how your day is going, go ahead and tell us about your new puppy or the concert you’re excited to see tomorrow night. Eating out should be fun; you’re not only the help at the party, you’re the host.
7. Be Knowledgeable About Booze
Cocktails, wines, champagnes, beers, and anything else people tend to enjoy along with their meals; please do your research and be prepared for detailed conversations on the topic. We like to know what we’re drinking.
8. Check in Very Quickly After the Entrée is Served
Fact: we will probably realize that we need something else about 11 seconds after you drop off the food. Sorry, we know it’s annoying. We were just too busy getting our phone cameras ready while you were at the table.
9. Don’t Lollygag with the Bill
You know how sometimes after a one-night stand, you just need to leave before 9am? Ya, it’s like that. It’s not that we don’t like you, and we very well might call you in a few weeks. But sometimes when you gotta go, you gotta go. It has also been proven psychologically that the two most important points for the memory of an experience are the peak and the end. So it’s wise to avoid spoiling a good show with a bad finale.
10. Don’t Forget Add-On Requests
This is sort of like a compounded bad experience; first, the main thing didn’t have the additional thing we wanted, and then you forget to bring the additional thing after we asked for the thing. It might seem small, but again, one of those things that really adds or detracts value from the restaurant meal experience.
11. Smell Fantastic
We wish we didn’t have to go here, but it is difficult to enjoy the seared halibut when our waiter smells like dried catfish. Bringing deodorant, cologne/perfume, and Listerine strips to work is never a bad idea. For anyone, really.
#NOTABLE
Want more updates on the most Notable things happening so you know before your colleagues do? Get our exclusive newsletter here and follow us on Twitter for all the latest.